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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
fight.for.it Offline
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help please... - September 26th 2015, 02:24 PM

I have been self harming and I want to tell a teacher but dont know how. I trust him but I am worryed he will want to help and tell my Parents.I know if he does I will get get help and stuff but I just wouldnt be able to deal with it. How do I tell him and after how do I convince him not to tell my parents or anyone? I live in the uk, does he have to tell anyone? Plz help
   
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Re: help please... - September 26th 2015, 08:20 PM

Hey,

I don't know how the United Kingdom's laws work, but in the US we have mandatory reporters, meaning that if an adult such as a teacher finds out that you are harming yourself, being harmed by someone, or are at risk of harming others, they have to report it. This is to keep you and everyone involved safe. They can also be held liable if something happens to you (such as a serious self harm event) and they knew about the self harm.

Why do you say that you wouldn't be able to deal with it if he told your parents, even though it means you will get help? I know that it can be super scary having parents find out, but your parents love and care about you a whole lot, and would just want you to be safe and happy. I know you don't want to worry them, but they'd be more worried in the long run if something happened to you!

That being said, I still think you should tell your teacher. An adult can help you identify triggers and help you cope with what is going on and help solve the problems. It can also just be really useful to have someone just to vent to.

I know that I've found it easier to tell people through writing. I like to write people letters where I get everything I'd want to say out. That way, everything gets out without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. If you do this, your teacher would still want to talk to you but at least you'd have your initial points out. If you write a letter you can either hand it to him or leave it where you know he'll get it and nobody else will.

You can also ask to speak to him after class or after school. If you verbally speak to him it may be useful to make an outline of what you want to say first so you know what points you want to cover.

I know it's scary, but you can do this!

-Dez


   
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Re: help please... - September 26th 2015, 10:50 PM

Hi there.

It sounds like you want help but are afraid of talking to your teacher incase your parents find out. I live in the UK and when I first told my teacher that I was self harming, she had to pass that information on to my head of year who called a meeting to talk to my mum about it with several different people. I was absolutely terrified, like yourself but it was probably, looking back, the best decision they made because even though I still hid things from my parents, it made them aware what was going on and they started getting me more help. And honestly? If they hadn't been told, I would never have told them myself, and over the past few years, I have had a lot of hospital admissions and my mum would have found out of the blue. But instead she knew about it and tried to support me through it and I would like to believe your parents would do the same thing; support you through it. Do you think they would?

At the end of the day your teacher does have a duty to keep everyone involved in this safe and that includes you. Yes he may well have to pass on the information to someone else but if that means you getting more and better support then I think that's well worth it and as hard as it is, I think you should still talk to your teacher. You can verbally tell him and explain what is going on or you could try writing things down (i do this a lot!) and explain it that way. But either way, go for it. Get the help YOU DESERVE.

And also remember that we're always here for you through the bad and the good. You are not alone in this and so many people care about you and want to help and it's okay for you to let them in and do so. Please don't hestitate to contact me if you want to talk or need a rant. And look after yourself. You're worth a lot more than what you do to yourself. You deserve better.

Jessie


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Re: help please... - September 27th 2015, 10:32 AM

Thank you. X

Last edited by fight.for.it; September 27th 2015 at 07:59 PM. Reason: spelling
   
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Re: help please... - September 27th 2015, 08:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palmolive View Post
Hi there.

It sounds like you want help but are afraid of talking to your teacher incase your parents find out. I live in the UK and when I first told my teacher that I was self harming, she had to pass that information on to my head of year who called a meeting to talk to my mum about it with several different people. I was absolutely terrified, like yourself but it was probably, looking back, the best decision they made because even though I still hid things from my parents, it made them aware what was going on and they started getting me more help. And honestly? If they hadn't been told, I would never have told them myself, and over the past few years, I have had a lot of hospital admissions and my mum would have found out of the blue. But instead she knew about it and tried to support me through it and I would like to believe your parents would do the same thing; support you through it. Do you think they would?

At the end of the day your teacher does have a duty to keep everyone involved in this safe and that includes you. Yes he may well have to pass on the information to someone else but if that means you getting more and better support then I think that's well worth it and as hard as it is, I think you should still talk to your teacher. You can verbally tell him and explain what is going on or you could try writing things down (i do this a lot!) and explain it that way. But either way, go for it. Get the help YOU DESERVE.

And also remember that we're always here for you through the bad and the good. You are not alone in this and so many people care about you and want to help and it's okay for you to let them in and do so. Please don't hestitate to contact me if you want to talk or need a rant. And look after yourself. You're worth a lot more than what you do to yourself. You deserve better.

Jessie

My parents are divorced so would they have to tell both of them or would I be able to choose who they told because my dad would be annoyed but I dont know about my mum. I live wih my dad most of the time so would they have to tell him. If they tell them I am worried they will think I do it because of the music I listen to even though that is one of the only thing that make me wan to keep going. Or they will think it is them, which it is partly, but they both have alot going on so I dont want them to have to think about me aswell.
What ive done on my arm isnt that bad so if I told the teacher I would try and stop would he be able to keep it a secret?
I told my best friend about a week ago because i had to borrow her PE hoodie so no one saw but she started being mean about it and didnt understand so I promised her I would stop so what do I do about PE so no one sees? I have tried make up but it didnt work and I cant wear hoodies.
   
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Re: help please... - September 27th 2015, 08:57 PM

I'm not sure what parent they'd tell. Since you live with your dad more often than with your mom, they'd probably tell him, especially because it seems like you go to your dad's after school a lot. Your dad could then want to inform your mom, so they both might end up finding out about what you're going through.

I know you're scared of their reactions, but having them find out might help you. It's a little scary at first but your parents might surprise you with how supportive they can be when given the chance. Perhaps you can consider writing out some bullet points so you can explain things to them if they do find out. For instance, you might tell them that the music you listen to doesn't make you want to self-harm; you use it as a coping skill. Then tell them some of the things that do make you want to self-harm. Parents usually don't know what to do in these situations so maybe you can suggest things they can do to help you cope. It is very nice of you to consider things your parents are going through, but you are their child and they should be thinking of you regardless of whether or not they know about your self-harm. They probably already do think of you; telling them will probably make them think a little more about you. But that's what parents are supposed to do.

As for your friend, I don't think promising not to self-harm is the best idea. Promising causes more harm than good for a lot of people because if they do self-harm, they have a lot of shame around that broken promise and that shame can lead them to do it again. Maybe instead of promising your friend you won't self-harm, you can promise you'll reach out to someone or use your coping skills first.

People at school are generally supposed to tell someone if you're hurting yourself, but that doesn't mean they necessarily will. A way around it would be talking to someone and referring to self-harm in the past tense. That could help because your teacher wouldn't be as obligated to report it if you use the past tense.

Makeup doesn't always work. And it can irritate your skin if you apply it on fresh wounds. You said you can't wear a jacket, but could you wear a sweatband or an ace bandage? If anyone asks, you could say it's for extra support during PE. You could also look into getting long sleeved shirts with a relatively thin material so you won't get overheated.


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