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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I can`t do this - September 28th 2015, 07:52 PM

Missing something...

I used to cut myself and Im clean for 5 months but I feel like I just HAVE to do it again. I hate myself really much. Every time I look in the mirror or see myself on pictures I feel the urge to destroy myself. Ive made many mistakes in the past and I just can`t get over it. I feel like I deserve to be destroyed.
Since nobody ,exept from two online friend who Im pretty close to, know about my selfharm I have nobody to talk to about it. I don`t want this online friend to worry about me, so I don`t tell him about how I feel. The other friend goes to University so he has to study all the time and is pretty busy so I won`t annoy him with my problems.
I felt like I had to be strong for too long and I still miss hurting myself every single day, even after all these months. I threw away all my blades months ago but of course I cant get rid of all sharp things which are in my house.
Of course I know about skills but they dont do their job very well anymore. I try to distract myself as much as I can but I`m just too weak and the urge to destroy myself is too strong. Ill never get over it i guess :/

Thanks for reading..
   
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Re: I can`t do this - September 29th 2015, 02:27 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through everything that you are right now but it is amazing that you have come to us.

I first of all want to say that you are not weak in any way. You are very strong, because you keep going even though things get tough. You are strong because you were able to reach out here, even though sometimes it feels easier to just give up. It shows that you are continuing to fight, and that a part of you does want to recover. That is the most important thing, so hold onto that.

You said that you have tried skills and distractions, but they aren't working as well anymore. Do you have some that you have not tried yet? This list contains tons of alternatives to self harm, so maybe you can see if there are any on this list that you haven't tried yet, and try them. I know that you will find something that works for you.

Something that is useful for me is being in an area where there are people, or even just being on the phone with people. This is because it is harder to self harm when you are around others because they might notice your absence, or start to wonder what is going on.

It also may help if you try and put your tools in a hard to get area, or somewhere where you will have to dig them out. That way, you will have to take time to get the tools, and maybe by the time you get to them, your urge will have faded. It is so wonderful that you have thrown away your blades and you're right that you can't throw out everything sharp, but at least they'll be harder to get at.

It can be useful to find ways to express your emotions such as writing, art, or music. Exercise is another great way to release stress. At least this way you won't be holding everything inside.

You said that one of your issues is looking in the mirror or seeing yourself in pictures. Remember that no matter what, you are beautiful, wonderful, and amazing. Maybe you can write down things that you and other people like about yourself, physically and personality-related. That way, when you feel low you have a reminder about how amazing you are. Write down or print out encouraging quotes or pictures as a reminder that you can get through this.

I know you don't want people to worry or be annoyed, but they love and care about you, and I bet your health and safety are what they will be most concerned with. They would want to see you healthy and happy, and I bet they would be more than willing to listen. It can help to have someone to vent to, plus they can help you cope or come up with solutions to your problems. Maybe you can talk to a family member, friend, teacher, or guidance counselor or counseling center. You can also talk to a doctor or therapist. It is really worth it and you don't deserve to go through this alone.

I know you can come out on top.

-Dez


   
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