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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Scared - January 11th 2017, 04:28 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So my mum knows about my self harm-but only on my arm. She thinks I tried to kill myself, which I didn't. At the time everything was mixed up and I didn't try to sort out the reasons why I started, so when I tried to explain I sounded pretty stupid. I never told her that a boy called me ugly and disgusting and that's what triggered everything. Instead I said I was depressed, just because I felt awful, and that I had a social phobia just because I felt uncomfortable and ugly around people. I also told her that I'm ugly, but she didn't ask why I feel like that, she just says I'm vain and an attention seeker.
So after a year the scars are still very visible, and my mum says until they go I can't get my eyebrows threaded or remove facial hair. I'm scared. If that happens I'll just look even uglier and I don't know what I'll do. I know I'll cut myself so much, but it'll be awful I'm scared and I can't magically make the scars disappear. They're scars, they're never really going to go are they? So now what do I do? I'm ugly enough as it is
   
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Re: Scared - January 11th 2017, 05:34 PM

Hi Lavern,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Having a parent know that you self harm is always scary. I told my dad one day just so he knew I trusted him with my deep dark secrets. Scars normally don't go away. They do tend to fade, but not much. Some, depending on how deep it was, may go from brown to white, which is what happened with the ones on my arm from when I was in high school. I can still see them if I'm staring at them, but if you're just glancing at them you can't really see them.

There are some scar reducing creams and lotions that you could always try using. I'm not sure how well they work but it's always worth a try. I've heard some people use make up to cover them up, you could try getting a foundation that matches your skin tone to try.

Another option you have is to talk to your mom and let her know that scars really don't just go away, they fade, but they never go away. I've had the scars on my arm since I was 18. I'm now 26 and they are still there.

I hope this helps, and I hope your mom understands. Let me know if I can help in any other way.

Stay strong.
Brittany



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Re: Scared - January 11th 2017, 09:07 PM

Hey there

I am wondering whether your mum is supportive with the struggles you have had over the time and whether telling her the truth and being honest about it all would be a good idea and whether she would be understanding and try and help or be more the opposite? What do you think? I know my mum is really supportiv but more so when I am honest with her and she really knows what is going on for me.

My scars have never gone away and I have been self harmin since I was about 9 (now nearly 23) but they have gone from pink to white (the old ones anyway) and this is something you can tell your mum to help her understand that this isn't just something that will go away. They are called scars for a reason.

And if I were you, I'd still get my eyebrows down and get hair removal cream anyway. I know my mum would be angry for me doing it when she had told me not to but I would explain that I was angry at her telling me I wasn't able to do something because I was struggling emotionally once and it felt like a punishment (thats the way I would take it) but it might really be worth talking to your mum before anything like this happens. I am not encouraging you to go against your mum, but I want you to do what is best for you.

I hope this helps a little. Take good care of yourself,

Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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Re: Scared - January 13th 2017, 08:23 PM

We all have scars, physical, mental, or emotional, and they wok never go away. That's the thing, that when people make fun of you and verbally being cruel, they do not seem to see that they arebeing hurtful, and just how badly that hurt goes. I understand how you are feeling, but you have to remember that there will come a time when, Despite your scars, you are beautiful. No one is ugly, because beauty is not just the physical appearance. It also pertains to your heart, and your compassion. It doesn't matter what you look like, what matters is how good of a heart you have. Your scars are there, but they are evidence of a war, a battle in which you rose and fought, and came out on top.
You will never be ugly, so long as your heart is good, and you love profound. Forgive, but never forget. This isn't your fault, it is the fault of those who pushed you into it, just remember this. Beauty is found in the darkest places. don't worry, you will feel better soon.
   
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Re: Scared - January 14th 2017, 11:27 AM

Thank you for the advice Brittany it has helped. I'm sure my mum doesn't understand that scars don't completely go away, so I don't know what to do about that...if I try to tell her that she'd probably just get even more angry...
But thank you for listening and helping me, it means a lot x
   
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Re: Scared - January 14th 2017, 11:33 AM

Thank you for the help Jessie, it has helped a lot. My mum has let me keep my tweezers so I guess I have to make do with them.
I think if I told her the truth, she wouldn't be that supportive. I don't know. She's the type of person who'll call me weak for not defending myself and stupid for believing them and cutting myself because of it. On TV she watches soaps and stuff and in some of them people self harm because of a problem, and because my mum knows I've done it she calls them stupid and says stuff like "everyone has problems, doesn't mean we kill ourselves", which is so true because we're not even trying to kill ourselves . I don't think she'll ever understand why people self-harm, I think no matter what she will think it's a way to kill ourselves.
But thank you for the help it means a lot x
   
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Re: Scared - January 14th 2017, 11:34 AM

Cerrina I hope you are right, and that I do feel better soon. Thank you for the advice it means a lot xx
   
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Re: Scared - January 27th 2017, 10:47 PM

i know how you feel my mum and dad have found out i told them i just liked the taste of my blood which is half the truth they said if i cut again they would beat my arse so about 1-2 weeks i didst cut but i relapsed an dim cutting again but on my thigh's and stomach. i would recommended to hide your cuts using long sleeves or pancake makeup
   
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Re: Scared - January 28th 2017, 10:33 AM

Hey Kahlie,
I hide my scars, no one knows about the ones on my thighs, and if my mum found out she'd kill me so yeah...
But it's not good that you are cutting. I hope you are okay and if you ever want to talk i'm here x
   
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