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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
London1621 Offline
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First time - April 1st 2017, 03:42 PM

So its been a week from my grandma passing away and the funeral. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I have been upset about my grandma and my parents didn't tell me or my sister that my grandma was sick with cancer. I needed something to take the pain away that I was in, so I cut myself to try to make me feel better and try to make me not feel the way that I did. Part of me knows that I shouldn't cut myself but if it takes that pain away, then maybe its ok. I know I need to talk to someone but its not my parents. Maybe I can try my sister. I talk to my cat and that makes me crazy but I think I may need some help with this now.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Re: First time - April 1st 2017, 03:48 PM

Hello London. I remember you being very sad for your loss. I am so sorry for you. I wish I can say or do something to make you feel better now because you are having a very hard time.

Please don't cut yourself. I really hope you didn't. If you did know that its okay. We will be here always, and we will witness how you set the counter, and make sure you are self harm free. One scar will be more than enough to remind you of your loss. Don't hurt yourself anymore.


If you feel bad, you can try to talk to me, although I am scared to talk right now.


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Ikigai Offline
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Re: First time - April 1st 2017, 07:47 PM

Dear London,
I'm very sorry to hear that you've been through all of this. Pain might be relieving for a moment, but then it becomes a vicious cycle. If you ever feel the urge to cut try some alternatives or distractions (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/).
Always remember there are plenty of ways to help you, and self harm isn't one of them. And don't forget we're all here if you need anything.
Take care!
Sue


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First time - April 1st 2017, 10:01 PM

Hey London,

Again, it's a shame to hear about your grandma passing away and I hope writing this helped you a little bit. I know how hard it can be to deal with a close family member passing away, and I want you to know that you are not alone in this and that I'm sure many people who were also close to your grandma are there for you to talk to about it. If you think you can talk to your sister then that's great, go for it. Sometimes talking to someone can really help, so if you think you can then you should. However it's great you also reached out to us.

Honestly I'm sure many of us here have gone through that belief that cutting is going to help, but in the end it only helps in the short term and in the long run it just ends up in a vicious cycle of being addictive and having to clean up a mess over and over again, which while there is a brief moment of feeling better, it's more draining than anything else. Plus, overtime you have to do it more to get the same feeling you did when you started which just ends up in more accidents and even if you say there is no way for an accident to happen, seriously it happens to all of us if you don't stop before it does. It could be on the second time, or the hundredth time, but it isn't worth the risk finding out when it is.

That link that Sue linked has a list of alternatives and going through them may be beneficial to you. If you try one and it doesn't work, don't give up. Not all of them will work but there is usually at least one that will. Talking to other people as a distraction is also useful, and if you don't want them knowing that they're being used as a distraction then you don't have to tell them, although they can normally help more if they know they are. There is also the option of writing in a notebook or journal, or even using the blog feature on TH. Talking to your cat doesn't make your crazy, in fact talking to pets is actually therapeutic sometimes, I'm sure most people with pets have talked to them before. I know I talk to my dog a lot, but that definitely doesn't make me crazy either. You are also able to talk to any of us if you wanted, if Live Help is online then you can use that to talk to someone, or message one of us to have a chat is also an option.

Are you able to see a counsellor or other professional and get support about your grandma dying? Having a family member die can be tough to deal with so getting the best support you can is always a good plan.

I don't want to see you get caught up in the cycle, so know that I am always here for you to talk to if you need support not to SH again or even if you just want support about anything. Look after yourself, okay? Stay safe.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First time - April 4th 2017, 05:41 PM

Hi London,

First and foremost I am really sorry for the lost of your grandmother, it sounds like you two were very close and you loved her a lot. Death is not easy, the grief cycle is hard and it takes time, but eventually you will be okay again. She will always be with you in your heart and cling to the good times you two shared together.

I am also sorry that your parents did not tell you guys. That must have been awful and a huge surprise. Sometimes parents do odd things to protect their children, and sometimes those things can end up hurting their children more. I hope one day you will be able to forgive them and talk to them.

Self-harm isn't going to fix your problem, you mentioned that it helped, but eventually it won't. The issue with self-harm is it's super addictive and eventually it takes more and more to not feel the pain. You are worth so much more than hurting yourself. There are many positive coping mechanisms out there, self-harm is not one of them.

I think it would be great if you opened up to your sister about it all. Having someone to support you through this time is really important. Also, your not crazy for talking to your cat. I talk to my two dogs and cat all of the time. Animals are empathetic and love us unconditionally, it's a strange bond we share with them, but venting to your pet actually can be very therapeutic, so keep that up as well. While thinking of people to talk to you do you have any friends, teacher, guidance counselors you could speak to as well? I think that a mixture of all of those options would be helpful. I also think you should consider speaking to a counselor they can help you through the grief of your loss and your self-harm, and if you don't want your parents to know about the self-harm, simply ask them if you can see somebody to talk about your grandmother.

I really hope that things start looking up soon for you. Hang in there and if you ever want to talk about anything feel free to send me a PM/VM. <3
   
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Re: First time - April 6th 2017, 10:20 PM

Hi there, London!

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your grandmother in the first place, but your parents not telling you nor your sister she was sick must have added to the anger and grief already present. Both you and your sister deserved to know ahead of time, and I feel it was wrong that you were not told but I am wondering if your parents waited to tell you until they knew for sure to protect the two of you, and if her cancer escalated faster than they expected? It may help provide closure and understanding if you were to ask your parents why.

Considering what a difficult time you are going through, I understand why you'd seek effective coping mechanisms but doing so has led you to self-harm. While it may seem like it is helping you, and therefore seems like it is okay, it isn't because it's unhealthy both physically and emotionally. You can become addicted to self-harm and it can become very difficult to quit even if you feel you have it under control. Understandably you're hurting inside, so it is good you are searching for ways to cope with that hurt but I encourage you to seek healthier coping mechanisms. Such as hobbies, creative outlets and journaling. Exercising is a good way to release endorphins and allow you to release some energy. There are helpful alternatives to self-harm you may want to try out in the link that Sue gave you.

It is good you are aware that it'd be a good idea to talk to someone. If you do not feel comfortable enough talking to your parents, it could be a good idea to speak to your sister, family member, friend, family friend, a trusted teacher, pastor or other trusted adult. You're dealing with a lot right now and you surely deserve support. In regards to talking to your cat; that doesn't make you crazy! Many people talk to their pets. Pets are good listeners for sure. I think it's good you are talking and getting thoughts and feelings off your chest, even if you are speaking to your cat. If it helps you then I encourage you! However, I do recommend you still reach out to develop support systems in your life.

You also are more than welcome to continue reaching out to us throughout this. You can message me anytime you need to talk about anything, okay? In the meantime take care of yourself and stay safe. I hope you feel better soon, London.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First time - April 8th 2017, 05:33 PM

Ok for what everyone is saying. Thank you.
   
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