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Bianca_Mae Offline
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Unhappy Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 03:28 AM

So recently I've thought a lot about suicide, mainly because I can't see myself in 40 years still staying up till 4 am gripping my head and saying how much I hate myself. I just can't put up with it that long. Do they ever stop?
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Re: Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 03:46 AM

I don't want to annoy you, but this is a pretty basic answer that I think will work.

You have to keep trying. If you do, the urges will stop. You have to live to see that and see what life has to hold. Suicide is never the answer. You can do it. You're beautiful, strong, and amazing. Hold on just one more day, I know you'll find a way. PM me if you need to talk.

Life's a tough b**ch, but you are tougher. Go show it who's boss. <lots of love and hugs>
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Re: Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 04:01 AM

We haven't fully kicked fully them yet, but our urges are considerably weaker than they were when we were a kid/tween. I takes effort and patience, but you'll kick it's ass eventually!

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Re: Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 06:11 AM

I am unsure if you are asking if the suicidal urges will go away or if the self harm urges will go away so I will answer both questions.

The short answer for self harm is that no, the urges aren't likely to ever go away completely. However, they are likely to decrease in how extreme the urges are the longer you go without self harm. Back a couple years ago I was cutting about once a day (sometimes more) and I was almost always going deep. I had urges every day and I didn't bother fighting them. One day I had a severe self harm episode and I had to get 79 staples and stitches. It was after that incident that my therapist was talking about sending me to residential treatment. I probably should have gone to one but I was worried about cost and so I asked if we could work something out. She told me I had to quit cutting so extremely or she was going to make me go to residential. I ended up deciding to stop and for the first year I had urges every single day and sometimes they lasted all day long. After that year the urges decreased and I got to a point where I wasn't thinking about self harm all that often. By the two and a half year mark I hardly ever had self harm thoughts. However, during times of extreme stress the self harm thoughts get bad and in 2015, due to a number of things, I ended up starting to self harm again. I will be self harm free a year in August and I can say that stopping this time around has been a lot easier than when I stopped for the two and a half years.

So, the urges can decrease and get to a point where you don't need self harm. They might come back periodically but if you rely on a therapist during times of extreme stress you might not relapse like I did.

As for thoughts of suicide, that is more complicated. Some people never completely overcome thoughts of suicide but some people do. I know people who have been quite depressed and suicidal and then they found a medication that helped them quite a bit and they aren't suicidal anymore. However, stress can sometimes impacts someones feelings regarding suicide.

Best of luck.

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Re: Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 07:50 AM

Yes they do. From my own personal experience.

There was a time when I could imagine just [harming myself, I don't want to be explicit], or [another way of hurting myself, the usual SH stuff, I just don't feel comfortable mentioning it here], and at the time it just seemed to make sense, like it was the thing to do, Oh and I remember it hurt like hell to be alive.

Now it's amazing, I am totally cured, the very thought of doing any of those harmful things never occurs to me, and if I do ponder the idea, it seems like a really stupid thing to do, why would I ever want to do that?

Oh yes and it doesn't hurt to be alive anymore.

I actually feel "normal" now, as in I never think about it whether or not I'm depressed, because it's not an important issue anymore, and I figure this is how "normal" people must feel.

It's like trying to explain what it's like to not have the flu to someone who's suffered from the flu all their lives.You're still the same person, except you don't have the flu anymore, you aren't suffering anymore.

So yes, recovery is possible. For me it took finding the right medication, which slowly fixed whatever was wrong with me, and I'm still me except I'm not suffering anymore, and I don't think about it anymore.

And I'm kind of glad I actually don't have a very good memory of the past either, and when I'm well I don't think about my past, though I do notice if I become ill again I do start thinking of the past when I've also been ill, which I think is the brain's way of trying to figure out what to do to make myself well again, "Let's see, what did we do last time?" Well I already know the answer, switch me back to the medication that works, or get rid of that stress in my life that's doing me in, but cripes I wish my brain would stop thinking of all the bad times in my past when I'm depressed as I know that's not helpful at all! So my brain ain't too smart in that regard.

Medication may not be right for everyone. I'm rather biased towards it simply due to my own personal experience. There are other things I do to stay well.

Mindfulness Meditation
Be with friends
Be in a social group
Be active
Get some exercise. Go for a walk. (I find this one helps a lot, though I have to wait until the next day to feel better. But it seems to work.)
Pet a dog
Pet or cat

Yes it does get better and I am thoroughly amazed at my recovery. I would have accepted half a recovery but I got the whole full recovery.

It took a full year though to bring me totally out of my depression and back to the point where I was eager to face the world. I needed a lot of support and encouragement for that year.

Best wishes!
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Re: Do the Urges ever stop? - July 29th 2017, 08:38 AM

Hey There,

So I am not sure if you are talking about the self-harm or suicidal thoughts going away but I will answer both.

For self-harm no they will never go away. You can learn how to deal with them and not give in. But no they never go away. I know someone who quit between16-18 and she is 28 years old now and still has the urges and she has even slipped a couple of times. Even though they do not go away you learn how to deal with them. Some people say the longer you go without it the urges are less, but with me I went 4 years without cutting once and by the 3rd year my urges wear getting stronger and stronger until I gave in.

As for the suicidal thoughts, I think it might be different for different people. For me I have had suicidal thoughts since I was fifteen years old so for ten years, they are not always there and constant. They come and go. So I will go months or even a year without being suicidal, but then they come back. I believe that it is possible to over come those thoughts and not have them again.

If you ever need to talk my PM/VM is always open.
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We may be picking up the pieces here on after,
We are fragile, we are human,
We are shaped by the light we let through us,
We break fast, cause we are glass.
Cause we are glass.
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