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First time... - February 5th 2018, 07:53 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Yesterday I cut for the first time, I have had an urge to do it for at least a year now, but I haven't because family have been home or when I was home alone I wasn't feeling the urge. But yesterday I was home alone and I just needed that pain to relieve stress. It wasn't that deep or big, just a small cut on my wrist, it didn't even bleed too much, but I did feel a ton better. Two of my online friends found out, one freaked and the other just seemed... disappointed, and I found the later responce more guilt inducing than the freak out.
The wound has re-opened twice now but doesn't really hurt, but now I feel worse in a way because I let down my friends. But despite that, I'm scared I'll do it again because I liked it so much the first time...

Also if my mum finds out, I don't know what she'll do, because she doesn't understand SH and doesn't like it, the best she could be mad or disappointed, the worst she'll make me go to a counsellor, and I just can't do that, so I can't cut again, but I don't know how to stop/ignore the urges, especially now I know how it feels.
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Re: First time... - February 6th 2018, 04:05 PM


I am glad that you reached out to us and I hope we are able to provide you with support. It can be really scary when you harm yourself for the first time and, a lot of the time it does lead to feeling worse which can lead to some people turning to self harm to cope with the feelings and it creates a vicious cycle.

Something you could consider doing is keeping a journal and logging any feelings you might be having etc. I think the key to overcoming these thoughts is figuring out why you are having them and working on finding resolutions or ways to cope.

We now have Alternatives and Coping Methods it might be a good idea for you to look at that and see if you can find things that might help distract you if you continue feeling like harming yourself.

I know you mentioned that you are worried that your mom might make you see a counselor. It seems like you are hesitant to get in with a counselor but it's probably one of the best things you could do. It won't be easy to do but a counselor could help you work on processing the things that led to you self harming.

Best regards.

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