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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Exclamation I relapsed after 3 years and it feels good? - March 1st 2018, 12:26 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Is it odd that I feel better after self harming and it excites me to do it?
It sounds so messed up, but it's true.
3 years ago I know I did it as a cry for help, and I was very depressed. Everyone found out and it made things so much worse for me. I hated that year; those were some of the worst days if my life.
It got somewhat better but I've been deteriorating again and just a few days ago I wondered what it would be like if I cut myself again? Just for "old times sake" or something less insane than that.
And I did it once. I thought I was fine and could move on after trying it, because I thought I was past that phase of my depression. But the depression has been even worse recently, and it's a more private kind of depression than before. I don't cut as a cry for help now; it's just because I like the feeling. I like the blood and scars and I know that sounds super fucked up but I can't help it. I don't want anyone to find out because I want to keep doing it to calm myself. Its unlike before when it didn't actually help me; this time, it does something for me and makes me feel good. It satisfies me to see how many scars I've inflicted on myself.
I sound super messed up, and I know I am, but does anyone else relate to this?
I'm not even sure if I want to get better from it because I know I'll miss the feeling and there's nothing like it.
   
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Re: I relapsed after 3 years and it feels good? - March 1st 2018, 02:39 AM

Hello,

I relate to a lot of this. I stopped self harming back in 2013 and I was in recovery for 2 and a half years. I ended up relapsing and I struggled to recover because I had similar feelings. I cut because I wanted too and because I could. I cut because I liked the pain and the blood. I have been able to get back into recovery but it is difficult.

You mention that your depression has come back and I am wondering if you would consider talking to a trusted adult, family member or friend about the depression? I know opening up to people about depression can be difficult to do but I believe that it can prove beneficial because no one should have to deal with depression or self harm on their own.

I hope that things start to improve for you and if you need anything please feel free to message me.


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Re: I relapsed after 3 years and it feels good? - March 1st 2018, 01:02 PM

Hey,

Self-harm feels good to many people. When you self-harm, endorphins or "feel good" chemicals are released into the brain to give you a temporary high. This is how a lot of people become addicted. Can you do other things to release endorphins? That might help. You could listen to music, exercise, eat a favorite food, absorb some sun, etc.

People including me can relate to you; you're not alone in this. Perhaps talking to someone as mentioned above can help. If you don't want to or can't talk to someone, keep posting here; we're here for you.


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Re: I relapsed after 3 years and it feels good? - March 2nd 2018, 01:25 AM

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this. And I hope you will be okay soon. When you self harm or get that feeling try to find something to get you're mind off of this so that you are not thinking about this. For example, taking a shower, or grab a hot or cold drink or ice cubes or going for a walk with music or putting on a funny TV show or movie or calling a friend. Or like was said up about come on and post. I hope you will be okay.
   
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