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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Bad,bad development. I am becoming a monster. - March 2nd 2018, 11:09 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well.. parents were out. I thought everyone was out.

I ... sorta punched the door. Because I was grieving the fact that she's not in my life as much as she was. I can't even message her these days without me thinking to myself that I'm overstepping some kind of boundary.

Me: I'm sorry.

Sister: What do you think you're doing? You broke the bathroom glass door, you break the water container , you break your own fist, the next time you do this I'm calling the police.

Me: I'm sorry.

Sister: For you, the problem is the past, and the solution is that girl. Wasn't it? Well, We want to help you, but you gotta stop taking us and the house for granted.

Me: I'm sorry.

So.. that's what happened.

Life without her.. is what it is.

She doesn't know how painful it was to be me in the past, though.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Noire Offline
When is the future?
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Re: Bad,bad development. I am becoming a monster. - March 2nd 2018, 04:21 PM

I hardly think punching the door, or any surface for that matter, makes you a monster. I know it's not your intention but if you think that then you're implying anyone who breaks things in the process of self-harm is a monster, and that's simply not true. Don't try and pull the "not everyone, just me" card; you're not some special person whose self-harm is different from everyone else's and therefore makes you a monster because it's "the worst." That is twisted thinking and it doesn't serve you well.

Look, I get this person was important to you, I really do, and I understand that the loss of her was devastating. But all you do is go around this site and post about how much you miss you, how sad things are without her, etc. etc. I'm not saying you're boring anyone or that your pain isn't valid; it is. But you're like a broken record. You say the same things over and over again, which means you think the same things over and over again, which means you're probably not trying to dig yourself out of the hole you've created around you. In fact, you're probably only digging deeper.

I get that you've tried alternatives, I really do. But NO ONE is hopeless. No one. There's something out there that will work for everyone, I promise. My guess is even as you try these things you either A) haven't tried the right one yet or B) weren't really giving it 100% when you tried it. Sometimes people try things to say they did it and when it "doesn't work" they use it as an excuse to prolong their suffering.

In another forum you talked about friendship and people told you how you probably aren't really giving people a chance. I believe that's true. I don't think you're really giving anything a chance because you believe it won't be as good as it was when you were with her. How can you ever refute that belief if you don't really try to move forward? You're stuck in the past and you won't let yourself get out. Well, no one else can pull you out. You have to do it yourself.

Eventually you're going to push people away if all you do is talk about how good things once were and how crappy they are now. People try and help, but you're making it obvious you don't want to be helped, not really. You may think you want help but your actions don't match up with your words, and actions are always more honest than words are. So do something different. Quit reminiscing about what once was and move on to what can be. Your life doesn't lay in the past, it lays in the future. Make it happen.


Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


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Green Yoshi Offline
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Re: Bad,bad development. I am becoming a monster. - March 2nd 2018, 04:39 PM

I'm trying my best..

It will never be as good as it was .. it will never be as good as how things were with her.

If I lose her I have no one in real life


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
When is the future?
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Bad,bad development. I am becoming a monster. - March 2nd 2018, 04:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
I'm trying my best..

It will never be as good as it was .. it will never be as good as how things were with her.

If I lose her I have no one in real life
I acknowledge you are trying your best. I believe you, but this is exactly what I am talking about. You set yourself up for failure by denying the possibility that there could be anything else, maybe even something better. You are the caused of your own suffering.


Love joins
Love unites
Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
Enduring and sacred
Eternal as time
For love, love alone will conquer all


"A Million," by VNV Nation
  Send a message via Yahoo to Noire  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
The screwdriverneedsgas!
I've been here a while
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Name: carwithnogas
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Location: Cute Dinosaur Island!

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Re: Bad,bad development. I am becoming a monster. - March 2nd 2018, 04:58 PM

I have tried everything.

Everything. I have tried everything.

Truth is.. the way things were.. I hurt myself to the point where I am having high cholesterol and high blood pressure. So.. you know that this is really affecting me..

I can't stand this anymore. I want someone like her back in my life. Life is empty. Life is painful.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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