TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lunabclair Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Lunabclair's Avatar
 
Name: Amber
Gender: Female

Posts: 2
Join Date: January 30th 2019

Question It's My Fault - January 30th 2019, 03:55 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I started cutting at the age of 7. No one knew until I was in 5th grade. I thought I cut too deep and asked my mom for help and she rushed me to the hospital. I just didn't put enough pressure on it to stop the bleeding. I still continued to cut and didn't get caught again until I was in 7th grade. My mom found my razors and started cutting why into her hand by her thumb. I was screaming and crying telling her to stop but all she said was she wanted to know why I did it. I stopped for a little bit but I always come back to it.
My mom and her boyfriend got in a fight a couple days ago. They always fight. She threw something that was glass and used the glass to cut herself. I feel like I taught her that coping skill. Shes done it a couple times now. Its frustrating because as a mother she should be leading by example not cutting because seeing her cut makes me want to cut because I get mad at myself because I taught her this. I just dont know what to do.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Latte Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Latte's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 249
Join Date: June 27th 2018

Re: It's My Fault - January 31st 2019, 01:30 PM

One of those shitty things we have to learn with time is that our parents are flawed people and are imperfect people. It would be great if they could always lead by example, but there are those of us who's parents are alcoholics, are abusive, or struggle with mental illness, or are bullies, are absent, etc. etc.

It's not that everything on that list, especially being mentally ill is a "flaw", because it's not, it's just a terrible thing to have to experience. What t does mean that, say, if self-harm is something a parent does because they have their own demons and battle with mental illness, it's hard to them to lead by example. Being an adult doesn't suddenly mean you have the ability to handle your mental illness. Even look at people like Robin Williams who was an incredible and hilarious person and was for sure getting treatment for depression, he still died by suicide after many years fighting those demons. It's incredibly sad and I feel for those people. In a perfect world, our parents would be well rounded wholesome people who never make mistakes and never do anything that negatively impacts their kids, etc. but that's just not the way of the world. Just know that it isn't your fault that she is doing this. You didn't teach her anything, you don't know if she was self-harming before, and even if she wasn't, if there weren't serious things going on for her that lead her to feel like she needs to self-harm, she wouldn't do it, and you're not at fault for whatever demons are haunting her.

Have you been getting help from anyone for your own self-harm? A family physician, or a therapist? It sounds like your mom isn't in a stable place and even if she wasn't engaging in self-harm as well, if she's got the kind of deep seated issues that cause self-harm, I'd bet that she would struggle to help you in this realm regardless. If anything, she's probably part of your problem in more ways than you realize (please don't blame her for that though, we're all getting therapy as adults because of our parents, it's not their fault, even the best people struggle to parent "perfectly"). I'd strongly recommend getting a therapist for this reason. You could probably talk to a guidance counsellor at school to get a referral. This way at least you have help and can hopefully get to a place were you're resilient enough not to be triggered so easily.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Lunabclair Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Lunabclair's Avatar
 
Name: Amber
Gender: Female

Posts: 2
Join Date: January 30th 2019

Re: It's My Fault - February 1st 2019, 12:55 AM

I have a therapist. She's helping me, but since I am under 18 any time I tell her I self-harmed she has to tell my mom and then It causes my mom more stess. I tried telling my therapist but she said that she is my mom and should learn how to take care of it and be there. I know my mom has her own demons but its hard to not tell her about stuff when If I dont the therapist will.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Latte Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Latte's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 249
Join Date: June 27th 2018

Re: It's My Fault - February 3rd 2019, 01:39 AM

Have you told your therapist that her telling your mom every time you talk to your her about self-harm is actually hindering your ability to progress? To me, it seems weird that she wouldn't see that. I get why she feels like she has to tell your mom, but if it means that you don't feel like you can talk to her because it'll cause more problems at home, then how can your therapist actually do her job if you're therefore editing what you say so that she won't tell on you? I think it might be worth discussing with your therapist the value of not telling your mom so that you are better able to have a trusting therapist-client relationship and skip having you edit what you talk to her about so your mom doesn't find out. Then again, I don't know everything that is going on.

Why doesn't your mom have a therapist?
Why doesn't your therapist seem more concerned about the fact that your mom is clearly mentally ill herself?
Is family and children services involved?
Obviously these are big questions but 1) your mom should have her own therapist 2) your therapist should be concerned about your moms mental health and possibly encouraging her to seek therapist and 3) yeah, maybe family and children services needs to work with your family for your safety.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
fault

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.