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chewy07 Offline
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Unhappy AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!! - July 29th 2009, 03:14 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I went 3 weeks without cutting, but then I did again. The urges were getting worse and worse as they came closer together. I started when my BEST FRIEND dated the guy I liked scince the sixth grade (I'mm going into the nineth grade and I still like him). Soon after, my parents found out and they FLIPED.

Now I'm tempted to commit suicide (would be my first attempt).

I feel like the world is on my shoulders and everything from the abuse to the betrayel of my best friend is all my fault.

And here come the tears!

I feel so weak, hopeless, helpless, deffenseless, dumb, stupid, and low!!

I tell everyone that knows about the cutting that I stopped cutting except my youth pastors at church. I've never told anyone in persone that my dad is emotionally abusive.

I started cutting again because we got into a HUGE arguement, and I couldn't take it anymore!

I feel like nothing I do is right. I'm a perfectionist too. I almost started crying at band practice today when I didn't get the music right the first time through. I brought my baritone home tonight and practised for an additional three hours. I'm used to playing a song PERFECTLY the first time through. When I get a new dance step at my lessons, I'll practice it at home for two hours a night, every night untill my dance instructor tells me its perfect.

My dad always tells me I could do better, even though I get free private dance lessons (I'm the only one who gets solos in my dance recitles except for seniors). I'm also the youngest first baritone player.

Sorry you wasted your time reading this, and I'm sorry I wasted this space. You don't need to reply.
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Tegan Offline
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Re: AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!! - July 29th 2009, 04:29 PM


You should realise that three weeks without cutting is an absolutely amazing achievement! You have the strength to go that long again. Everyone slips up, you just need to have faith that you can try again :]

I know how hard it is to be a perfectionist, try slowing down and taking a few really deep breaths. Just because something wasn't completely perfect the first time through doesn't mean it won't be perfect soon. Try not to overwork yourself (I know thats easier said than done) and make sure you take time out of your day to calm down and chill out. Try setting a time each day when you take a time out and just try and settle your mind.

Do you have any distraction techniques which work for you? I find its easier to put off the urges if you have a way of distracting yourself. I like to write to people, just really long pointless letters, you could try that? Or I make playlists on my ipod full of songs that make me feel better Or check out ThisThread and I'm sure you will be able to find something that works for you

I hope everything works out for you, remember we're all here for you.

You are the one, the one who lies next to me,
Whispers "hello, I missed you quite terribly"

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