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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Never Forget Hope
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its back - August 2nd 2009, 06:42 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So. I hadn't cut for a couple months. But you know, there's nothing to stop me now. I lost one of the very closest people in my life...because I'm a jealous idiot. I lost the love of my life because...well I really don't know why. My mom is suicidal and severely ill. And I just don't give a damn anymore!



I cut the other day. I thought it was just a slip up. But I've got the urge to do it again. I'm not strong when I'm by myself and I'm by myself.

I just want to give up. On everything. I want to make it deep the next time I do it. I want to do it to my whole body...so if I die, people will SEE the pain I've been going through. Maybe some people will regret not being there for me then...

I want to cut because I deserve it and I want to hurt anyone who...MIGHT still care about me. I know, I sound like a horrid b*tch. Maybe I am. But then again, I did say I deserve this.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 2nd 2009, 08:44 PM

Hi, I'm not quite sure what to say as I'm having a really hard time too at the moment.. But I do want to say that you don't deserve this and you're not by yourself, we're all here to listen.. Yeah sometimes we might not know what to say but that doesn't mean to say no-one cares..

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 12:10 AM

Hey there.

I'm really sorry things are so tough on you at the moment. But no matter what anyone says , it's not your fault.
I know what it's like to have a sick mother, I know how hard it is to see someone who was always so strong in your eyes become weak, its really scary. But try and be there for her, its about the only thing we can do in situations like this is to be there for the person so they can lean on us. Now Im not saying that you don't need someone to lean on too, because you do. Is there anyone you can talk to about all these things?
You are not a bitch, you are just hurting
Cutting wont help or change anything, we think that it will, but it won't.
Have you tried any alternatives?

PM me anytime
Mags
xx



The lord says 'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart'

Jeremiah 1.5

Just keep swimming swimming swimming - Dory from finding Nemo!!

Hold your head high princess, for tomorrow is another day.

You can do tonight without the help of a blade and wake in the morning with the feeling of accomplishment

PM me anytime, I am always here to be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear whats bothering you and words to make you see the hope








A
<3
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 12:18 AM

hey you are not a horrid bitch, or anything even close.

listen even though things seem tough, i believe that you can have the strengh to not do this. im sorry that you lost someone close to you, but maybe then can be resolved. im also sorry about your mom but sweetie this isnt your fault.

you dont need to cut and you can get past this i know you can.
you dont deserve pain physically or emotionally.

please hun dont do this!
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 12:40 AM

We're all here for you and care. just like throwing sticks into a fire doesnt make it stop burning, cutting urself doesnt make the pain stop. please dont hurt yourself, you've stayed strong for so long right now is just a step back but you can pull through.


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 05:48 AM

Ive tried alternatives and they usually work. But the other day took me by surprise and today I just stopped caring..kinda. i guess. either way, I did it again.

*sigh*
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 06:58 AM

I'm really sorry you've felt this way lately, Mystery. But I really don't think that you deserve to be cut, bruised, or anything of the sort. You may see yourself as a horrid bitch, and hey, I've been in your shoes before, we all have our not so great days, and the world can frequently seem like a horrible place. You may have made some mistakes in your life, hurt some people, whatever, but you don't deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself. There's no way, no matter what you think of yourself as, that you deserve that. You may see yourself as a horrid bitch, and I may not know you too extremely well, but I've seen your posts, and you seem far from a horrid person.

I realize there's not much I can say that will make you feel any better than you do currently, but trust me that you're not alone in this. Life may seem shitty right now, you might think there's no chance of things getting better in the slightest, but I guarantee you that they will. I promise. You're a good person from what I can see, and you deserve to be happier than you are.

You say the alternatives aren't working, but why not keep trying? I know that "use alternatives and distractions," is something that is mentioned whenever a thread like this is posted, but I'd like to hope that with enough effort you'll be able to use those alternatives or distractions to prevent yourself from self harming in the future. Keep trying, it's the least you can do, right?

I really do believe in you Mystery, and I know that you can get through this. I'm here anytime if you ever need to talk. *Hugs*





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 3rd 2009, 09:33 PM

Hey. Yu don't deserve any of what your doing to yourself. Believe me I know where yu are coming from. You are a strong person & you are not alone, there are people that still love you & care about you even when you think that noone else does. God is always there for yu. Idk whether yu know him or not, but if yu don't then yu should He will make yu strong & he can help yu & yur mom. Remember this "I can do all things through Christ that stregnthens me". Feel free to PM me anytime
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 4th 2009, 08:43 AM

Thanks guys...but...I cut again. And again. And again.

I've lost control. what do i do...
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: its back - August 4th 2009, 09:25 PM

Hey,

I am sorry that you are going through all this right now. But you don't deserve to be hurt and the pain self harm causes. No one deserves that. You deserve so much better and I wish I could make it all better for you because you shouldn't have to be going through all of this.

You are going through so much right now and it is so much to cope with. I can't even imagine how hard it is to lose the closest person in your life and on top of that losing the love of your life and your mum being ill. Is there anyone who you trust who you could talk to about this? Maybe a friend or someone else? Keeping it all to yourself is only going to make you feel worse. You need to talk! You need to take control now. Don't let self harm control you take control of it.

You are a lovely person so don't ever say you deserve it because you don't! Look after yourself ok? You know where I am if you ever need anything at all. I am happy to listen
   
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Re: its back - August 5th 2009, 05:48 AM

Hey Mystery,

I'm sorry that things are so rough for you. I know that you go through so much, and I'm actually really proud of you. You're not a bitch or anything even close. You should be really proud of yourself for making it a couple months! That's amaaazing! I remember once I went a really long time and then had what I thought was a slip-up, too, but just kept continuing until I found that I didn't even care about trying not to anymore. But you're worth caring about. You're worth trying for. Have you tried grabbing a pen instead and writing what you're feeling, the words that self-harming otherwise would have meant, on yourself? Typically I'd recommend writing something more encouraging (I tend to write "love" and draw hearts and spirals and whatnot a lot), but once writing out my own self-condemnation instead helped me. The ink was still some sort of mark that I lived with for a couple of days but then eventually washed off and got to move on without having actually hurt myself.

Hang in there, Mystery. Even when things feel out of control, it's possible to get them back to standing at attention again. Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to talk.

I'll be thinkin' of ya. Take good care of yourself <3


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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