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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Shannon Offline
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shitt - August 7th 2009, 07:51 AM

I thought I got through the initial relapse, but for the past week, it's been terrible. Probably just because I have a lot of stress right now, but God, I hate it. Things are triggering me left and right, and I keep trying to reason it out in my head, telling myself shit like it won't matter if it's just one cut every now and then. It's so sick, I get like excited when I think about cutting and the real world just sort of falls out of focus, and I feel like there's just all this energy moving around inside me and I've got no idea what to do with it except cut or smoke or something else I shouldn't be doing. And yeah, I've been making it through the urges, but everytime I make it through one, the next one is worse, and I feel like it's just going to keep building up and waiting for me until I slip up already. I feel demented, I just want this to go away.
   
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Re: shitt - August 7th 2009, 04:04 PM

Hi Shannon,

I'm sorry that past week has been difficult for you. What is causing your stress? Making a list can be helpful, because then you can help yourself but eliminating some of the stress. Triggers can be everywhere and are sometimes unavoidable. Try to figure out what causes most triggers and then you can figure out why they trigger you can it can help you learn to cope.
I cut every now and then does matter. It is dangerous. I know with me, one cuts every now then sometimes quickly turn into many cuts often. While you may feel like you have control, things can get out of hand. I think it is best to try to stop all together.
I sometimes got excited too planning and waiting for my next cut. This is normal, but I believe it's unhealthy. Try to make plans to help you get excited about other things. It can be going to the movies with friends or planning a surprise for someone. Try to focus on the positives in life.
I hope everything works for the better Shannon. If you ever need anything, feel free to PM me.
   
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Re: shitt - August 7th 2009, 04:09 PM

There will always be that trigger and there will always be that itch when you're feeling very helpless. I haven't cut in a while, but reading your post now reminds me of it, reminds me of how 'good' I thought it was. It's just like smokers will always have the urge.

I've been you before, I've felt what you're feeling. It's rough, it's really rough, and since it's a more direct form of hurting yourself, it's hard for people to relate to and understand.

It does get better, but it only does if you want it. Things will never change unless you hang on to that idea, that, though it may seem far-fetched now, it's not worth it to cut, because if you do cut, when your mind settles, when you start to come back to who you really are without cutting, you'll realize it was a mistake.

Emotions run high sometimes, you can't stop that, but you can stop the irrational thoughts, but you can prevent them.

Keep hope in the idea that you actually aren't alone, many people have been you, many more have coped. You're too good for this, really, you are. PM me if you need.


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Re: shitt - August 7th 2009, 11:23 PM

Hey-

The fact that you haven't given in to the urges shows that you aren't dominated by the urges. You have the choice to not let yourself self harm. Though it's hard to make that choice, and hard to follow through with that choice, the option is there.

You probably will have urges all through your life, that's unfortunately what addiction brings. But if you keep working through the hard parts of life, you'll be able to push the urges aside, hopefully to the point that you don't even realize that they're there.

Have you looked at the Alternatives and Distraction thread? It's a sticky at the top of this forum. If you can't find it, let me know and I can link you. If you work on doing at least five of those, taking a minimum of ten minutes on each, usually you can get through the urges.

Is it reasonable that you'd even be able to just self harm every once in a while? Usually it's not. Plus, you can see the cycle your mind might go through after that. Like, okay, it's only one more cut. Just one more. And one more after that. It just keeps going on over and over like that, which is not a cycle you want to let yourself get in to.

Just remember that you can do this. And we're here for you. If you relapse, it's not a big deal. Just move on being self harm free as you've shown you can do.

Maria.



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Re: shitt - August 8th 2009, 12:54 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling but please try not to give in because it definitely is not worth it and one cut will lead to two and two will lead to three, etc.

The thing with cutting(like the others have said) is that it is an addiction and the urges will come and go for a long time but the thing is you can make it through. The fact that you have made it through the urges before proves to me that you are a strong person and can make it through these urges. Right now it might seem like the urges are building up but in a while you will start to notice that the urges calm down a bit. Please hang in there because you will feel so proud of yourself for making it through.

I too think using the alternatives (http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/) could help you through the urges. The thing to remember is that sometimes it doesn't feel like the alternatives really work (because your body has gotten used to using cutting) but with time and determination the alternatves really can work.

Another thing I was wondering is if you have anyone you can talk to about all of this? I know talking can be difficult but it can be really helpful too; do you think you could give it a try? Maybe talk to a friend, parent, or another trusted adult? A therapist would be a great thing to consider as well.

I hope this helped and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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