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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Hopewashere Offline
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& sometimes we start to fall - August 12th 2009, 01:09 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Three years.

It's been three years since I have cut myself. Three years since I've felt completely numb. Three years since the thought of cutting again had even entered my mind. But appearantly, it wasn't long enough. I suppose I thought that this demon was gone. I thought that time would simply wash it away as I healed. But it's always been there and I realize this now. It's always been in the back of my head, waiting. Tonight was the first night in a long time that I had the urge to cut myself and it scares me. I thought I was over it. I thought that I had beat the damn thing, but I was wrong. I suppose it has to do with everything that's been going on lately. It's probably triggering it, you know? But three years...

I feel so...beaten for even thinking about it. I had honeslty thought I had won, but the urge to cut right now is so strong. I want nothing more than to walk into the kitchen and just take a knife. Just one little cut, that's all I'm thinking. What could one little cut do? No harm, right? I know better though. I know that if I do go and do that one little cut, it will start all over again. So, right now, I need help. I don't want to cut again, but I really think that I may just start again.

What do I do?
How do you ignore the urge? [rubber bands don't work]

Hope is not lost, just not yet found.
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Re: & sometimes we start to fall - August 12th 2009, 04:47 AM

Hey there,

First off I want to say that three years is absolutely amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Secondly I want to say that you can make it through this urge and you are not a failure for having these thoughts; sometimes the urges come back and that does not make you a failure. Cutting is such a hard habit to break and if the urge comes back on occasion you cannot be to blame you just have to try and beat it.

A rubberband is definitely not a good idea because it can be viewed as self-harm.

One thing I would try is the alternatives (http://forums.teenhelp.org/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/). They can be really helpful when it comes to beating the urge. The one thing I wanted to tell you is that sometimes the alternatives seem like they don't work because your body really wants to use the cutting but if you use the alternatives for a while (at least thirty minutes and then some) you should start to notice some change.

If you know what is triggering you do you think that you could find someone to talk to? I know that talking can be extremely hard but in the end it can be helpful. Maybe you could talk to a friend or a trusted adult or even find someone on here to talk to about all of this?

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.


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dancer Offline
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Re: & sometimes we start to fall - August 12th 2009, 06:54 AM

Hey there,

I'm really sorry that you're struggling right now. But three years is amazing! You should be really proud of yourself.

And you should also be really proud of yourself for not letting yourself slip back into SH again. It is an addiction, but getting over this "relapse in feeling" will help you if it should happen again, because you'll know that you got through it once, you can do it again. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that you got through yesterday, so you can get through today, too. Don't worry about tomorrow just yet.

I've found that writing - on paper, or sometimes actually on myself can help, too. Just words like "love" or "dreams" or hearts or spirals or something. It's almost like I blockade myself with ink. You still do get physical feeling, but it washes off and hasn't harmed you in the meantime.

Hang in there. If you'd ever like to talk about what's going on, feel free to PM me anytime.

Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
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Re: & sometimes we start to fall - August 12th 2009, 11:20 PM


First off, let me just say that three years is totally amazing. You're right, it never really goes away, but you also don't have to let in regain control.

Thinking about Self Harm, doesn't mean you failed, not at all. I know it's hard to beat the urges, to keep them at bay, but you can. Try the distracts thread that Jenna suggested; distracting yourself will help. Getting your mind off the thoughts will make it less likely that you will slip up. Something I do, when I have bad urges, is taking nail polish to my arms. Painting lines on my arms, it let's me feel and see something without actually hurting myself (although it is very hard to get nail polish off skin).

Can you talk to anyone about what is going on right now? Talking about it might help the urges get more bearable, if nothing else. I know talking can be really hard, but if there's an adult you trust, or a friend, maybe you can confide it them?If not, the Hotlines thread has a number for Self Harm, you can call and talk to them if you're having urges.

You are not a failure. Just stay strong, and hang in there, okay? If you need anything, feel free to pm/vm me.

She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.

Smile through the tears.

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