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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxpaigiexx Offline
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I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 09:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I fucking relapsed.
10 or 11 months without self-harming and one argument pushed me over the edge.
I feel so numb... I don't know how I feel about it.
Am I happy?
Content...?
I don't know.
I wish I did.
It's funny how one minute you feel like you're doing so well and the next you're not... you've failed.
I'm such a failure.
I guess it was better than me taking my anger out on someone else.
I've just spent half an hour sitting in the pouring rain... thinking.
Trying to calm down.
I don't know what I was even looking to get by making this thread but... yeah...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
KoKoEm Offline
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Re: I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 09:41 PM

Paige,
I'm sorry you relapsed. I know it's hard and I recently did as well.
Just start trying to keep track again and look at the bright side. Everyday you go without, you've gone that much longer and you really can go without it again.
Try looking at the Alternatives list on here. It'll take time but you can find one or a group of them to help you beat SH.
And you can always PM me to talk about it or just rant or whatever.
Em


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We believe every lie & say we'll still be friends
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Before we scratch all the scripts & rework the casts
*Hourglass by the Hush Sound*


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
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Re: I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 10:11 PM

Hi Paige

I'm so sorry you feel the way you do. But listen to me. Its not your fault. Do not get angry with yourself. Because then you will just feel worse and lose hope. What happened was exactly what happened, a relapse, although it happened, you cant let it be the focus of what negatives you are going through.

You are no way a failure, everybody has relapses,if we didnt, then the world would be even worse with people walking on eggshells.

I think its good that you are thinking, but its even better if you are typing, because you are getting your feelings out.

Now you can look towards the future and start again. Every day you go through is another step towards happiness. And every day you manage not to self harm, is a day you should be proud of.

Take care of yourself and PM me if you want/need to talk.

Jaymi

xx


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 10:41 PM

Hey there,

You lasted 10-11 months? Do you know how amazing that is? That is like...200 and some odd days without hurting yourself. And out of all that time, you relapsed once. It's amazing. You are amazing. And you deserve to think nothing less of yourself. The idea of quitting is such a scary thing. Going without something you've used to help cope for so long is a huge step. You looked fear in the eyes and won. Just because you slipped up once doesn't make everything else none existent. You are still trying, you're still going and that's what counts. No one expects anyone to ever quit without relapsing. In fact, it has been known to be apart of the healing process. So, I think you need to give yourself so much more credit.

You don't have to be looking to get anything from this thread, we're all here to support you and letting your feelings come out is an important thing to helping yourself calm down. Don't forget the fact that you're not alone in this. And that you're important and so is what you have to say and feel. Try to be positive and keep yourself busy. Try to stop thinking about how little you're feeling right now, or how confused you might be. Get out and do something to keep your mind busy. Thinking is a good thing, but we need to realize when it's too much sometimes. You deserve a break. Treat yourself. : ) If you need anything, PM me okay? Take care please. You are strong and amazing.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Magical Forest. Offline
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Re: I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 11:16 PM

Heya Paige,

You are definately NOT a failure. Yes, you may have slipped up, but going 10/11 months without self harming is the thing that you really should be focusing on right now. That is such a huge achievement, don't let something like an arguement get in the way of you acknowledging that!
You've done so so so well, try to pick yourself back up and get back to where you left off, even though that might seem difficult right now if your anger is still high. Remind yourself of what you were doing to distract yourself from the urges. It might be good to relax as much as you can tonight, maybe have a nice bath or just listen to some music. The more you focus on slipping up, the worse you're going to feel about yourself and the more likely you are to want to do it again.
We all slip up at some time, it can take loads and loads of attempts to quit before you finally get that time where you feel you don't need to anymore. But the fact that you lasted so long means that you have it in you to do it again. Challenge yourself, try to beat that time, it can make that goal even better knowing you have a certain point to reach.

I'm here if you want to talk.
Hope you're okay.

xxx
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
xxpaigiexx Offline
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Re: I relapsed. - September 2nd 2009, 11:19 PM

Thanks everyone.
I am definately going to try again.
I've had a nice bath and relaxed and now I'm just going to zone out with some music and just stay here and post lots lol.
I think I'll be okay
   
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