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Name: Mags
Gender: Female
Location: Ireland

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Join Date: January 15th 2009

Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!! - January 22nd 2009, 07:06 AM

Ok so it been a while since i self harmed properly [ i have self harmed recently but its only been a few cuts, tops 6 or 7 at a time, i used to cut up to 20 cuts twice a day or more] but i feel the need is coming back again!! Like now i dont cut deep and there is barly any blood but i know im gonna be back on the bloody band wagon again soon!! I just know it! Things are really tough at the moment! Im living in a massive house with just my granny and dog cos my parents and sister had to move closer to my sister and mothers school [ mother teaches there] and my dad goes with them! Dont get me wrong i LOVE my granny so so so so much but she has a bad foot and wont sit down, she keeps lifing heavy things and puttin herself at risk, its like babysitting a bold 2 yr old! and to make matters worse, we live in the back end of no where, with no car mid week [ parents and sister come home fri-sun] and i cant go anywhere or do anything. I dropped out of college recently cos i hated my course but now ive signed up for a new one which doesnt start till september [ if i even get in], i havent seen my friends in AGES cos i have no way of leaving the house. The stress abut the course is unreal! If any one who reads this is Irish ye will inderstand!! I have 340 points and i need 320 to get into my course so i have the points.. for now! But everyone is saying the points wil go up and if the do, im fucked!! Cos of the whole recession thing the irish goverment have taken away 320 places for nurses [ thats what i wana do ] from the few colleges we have here! I just feel like such a failur all the time, like i have to repeat the LC twice cos i fucked up, my friends are 3 yrs ahead of me in college!!!
So i know im gonna self harm again! i cant take this stress without it, i know yer gonna tel me try alternatives and i have loads of times [ self harmer for 6 yrs so i know em all ] and i cant talk to anyone cos my mother found out before and was disgusted at me, which really hurt and i just cant take it!! Evrything has gone wrong!! I lost a best mate recently, which i dont miss cos she got what she deserved, she was a bitch and has new mates now but not the point..ya know! Ugh im not making any sense!! And the one boy i liked , i fucked it up with him!! He liked me, so he told everyone [ he works for my dad ] and i liked him.. but was playin hard to get [ i got off with him ages ago and he was textin me but i was scared of liking anyone in case id get hurt so i didnt get back to him ] and finally i told him how i felt, i texted him on a night out when he was there and i was drunk and i told him i was mad bout him and if he was interested to come and meet me downstairs, but i went to bed about half hour later when he didnt show, but the next morn i had messages and missed calls from his friend sayin he was lookin for me! But i still havent heard anything from him [ this was weeks ago] so i fucked that up!!


Sorry that was just a HUGE rant!!!!! Im sorry to any poor person that came across that =[ =[
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Re: Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!!! - January 22nd 2009, 07:34 AM

first of all, you dont need to apologize for ranting because everyone rants and ranting does make people feel better (you get to express how you feel )

if the guy is acting like that,it is highly likely that he might be a lil shy to see you face to face (that usually happens after sth bad happens ) so yeah.. this time might be the time you'll have to take the initiative and the first step. i believe thats how the situation is now.

And besides that, you ARE not a failure!! sometimes people hate their courses and then they do something else. Besides that, everyone fails at something. its how they overcome it that matters. promise me that you'll overcome it all in a positive manner because i definitely see that you've a lot of positive things in store for you in your future.

i believe that everything will get better. and in case you feel down, dont ever hesitate to come here and talk to someone

Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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