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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lil Offline
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Unhappy I dont want to deal with this anymore.. - September 9th 2009, 11:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i already have horrible self esteem issues.my only ways to cope with bad things are throwin up and more recently ive been finding scissors,needles,knives,ect, and hurting myself with them.i needed to punish myself for stopping throwin up and now its just kinda addictive,i feel like i deserve it.I thought i was getting better honestly, and then my boyfriend broke up with me for no reason(he didnt know i was doing any of this)and im back where i was getting worse now. i was so upset i put cuts all over my leg..i cant eat right..i cant sleep..i cant function..my parents if i told them would just try to help in ther own way that wouldnt reallly help..my friends just wouldnt understand and im suppose to be the strong one thats there for them..yet im falling apart and they dont even now it..even if i try tell my one friend who would understand...i cant..i open my mouth and words wont come out..it hurts so much..i dont know how to deal anymore..im afraid how of how bad this all might get...i dont want to deal with this anymore..i cant deal with it..i want to just disapear so no one will ever have to be bothered by me..at least i chose to vent this out by writing it down instead of hurting myself.even though i prob sound like an idiot..


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
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Re: I dont want to deal with this anymore.. - September 10th 2009, 12:23 AM

Hey Lil,

I am so glad that you managed to get your feelings out rather than self harming. It can really help to have a good rant and just get it out. You don't sound like an idiot at all. It just sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now. You are so hard on yourself and you shouldn't be that hard on yourself. You don't deserve to be punished or the pain that self harm causes. No one deserves that, not even you!

I really think you need to get some help. The sooner you get help the sooner things can begin to change and then you can be happy The longer you leave it the worse things could get. I know it is a huge step to reach out for help but you have already taken a huge step by posting this, which was really brave of you. You say your parents wouldn't really help. But if you don't give them the chance to help you then they won't be able to. Often parents don't know how to help and what to do for the best. But that doesn't mean they don't want to help. Perhaps if you tell them what would help then they could be more supportive.

You might always be there for your friends and be seen as the strong one but you deserve help as well. In fact you deserve help as much as anyone else. You shouldn't have to be strong all the time and right now you are the one that needs help so reach out for it. You say you can never find the words to tell your friends. How about you write down how you are feeling for one of your close friends? Or text them or email them? You don't have to say it face2face. If it is easier to write it down then you should.

If you need anything at all then I am always happy to listen. You are not alone.

Don't give up because you are worth it
   
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Lil Offline
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Re: I dont want to deal with this anymore.. - September 10th 2009, 03:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenJen View Post

You say you can never find the words to tell your friends. How about you write down how you are feeling for one of your close friends? Or text them or email them? You don't have to say it face2face. If it is easier to write it down then you should.
Wel you see i can write it down but whenever i go to show someone i cant..Or il text it and im about to send it then i quickly erase it..i try but i just keep freezing any way..its easier on here because i dont now anyone and people seem more understanding on here.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
*Jen* Offline
keep smiling :-)
Outside, huh?
**********
 
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Name: Jen
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3,668
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: I dont want to deal with this anymore.. - September 10th 2009, 11:54 AM

You just have to push yourself to do it! Just keep telling yourself the sooner you tell someone then the sooner things can begin to change. I know it is such a huge step to tell someone but you can do it. You have shown how brave you are by posting this; now you only have to take that one step further. But do keep talking on here
   
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Re: I dont want to deal with this anymore.. - September 10th 2009, 01:14 PM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this but I want you to know that you will be okay and you can overcome this all.

I know it can be hard to tell people but Jen is right, you do just have to push yourself to tell them. One way that helps me to get up the nerve to tell people what is going on with me is by telling myself all the reason's it would be a good idea to tell them. If you have someone to talk to you won't be fighting this alone and that is always a good thing.

I know that it can be easier to talk to people on here and I encourage you to continue talking to the people on here but in the end it helps to have people in 'real' life to talk to as well. And, you really might be surprised by your friends and families response to what you tell them.

Please hang in there.

Jenna


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