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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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just another scar on my heart. - September 15th 2009, 04:48 AM

i cut yesterday. after not doing it for two months.




and to tell you the truth, i loved it.
it felt so good.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.

Last edited by savealife723; September 15th 2009 at 05:08 AM.
   
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Lil Offline
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 15th 2009, 05:44 AM

I understand how you feel,two months is really good though,we all slip up.love ya,hope your ok.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
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Is also great
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star_crossd Offline
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 15th 2009, 05:52 AM

Hey Kayla. Like Lil said, we all slip up sometimes, be proud that you made it for so long. Now you have a goal to beat next time
Keep strong, hon


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 15th 2009, 06:23 PM

Well done for not cutting for two months, that's a great achievement! I know how hard and tiring it can be fighting those urges, and how easy it is to give into them. The fact that you did doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you needed something to cope at the time.
It's tough when you cut after a period of time of stopping, as it reminds you of all the reasons you started in the first place and the addiction can come back so strong. I'm not going to tell you that you have to try again to quit, as thats not the most important thing right now. What really matters is that you're safe and coping as much as you can. Of course it would be great if you were able to get back on your feet and try to quit again, but right now you may feel like you need it.

Take care
x
   
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 16th 2009, 02:31 PM

Hey Kayla,

I am sorry that you cut but I want you to know that you are not a failure or anything like that. I know that it sucks but sometimes relapses happen. The important thing to do is to pick yourself back up and try again. You know that you can go 2 months without cutting so try for that again and when you reach that goal try to go even longer.

Kayla, I was wondering if you knew what triggered you? Maybe if you were able to talk about it and get it out you wouldn't have the urge to cut. I know that talking is hard but in the end it is the best thing to do.

Either come on here and talk about it or talk to someone offline. If you want you could also give a hotline (http://forums.teenhelp.org/f3-general/t22-hotlines/) a call.

Kayla, you can get through this and you can beat the cutting. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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savealife723 Offline
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 16th 2009, 11:44 PM

i don't need anyone to talk to, thank you though Jenna! and i know what triggered me. my mom was blaming me for things that weren't my fault, like ALWAYS, and it just got to the point where i couldn't take it anymore.
so i went to my room, locked the door. went in my bathroom. locked the door. grabbed my razor, and cut away.

it just... it felt so good! i loved doing it! it was... like old times. and it was just exactly what i needed.

thank you all of you, i just... gah. i loved it so much.
i don't even know how i made it two months without it!


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 17th 2009, 12:01 AM

You went 2 months without it because you don't need self harm to cope with things. I think you are incredibly strong to have gone that long and it just shows you can do it. I don't think your mum would have wanted to make you self harm. It isn't right that she blames you for things. You don't deserve to be blamed and although she does blame you, you don't have to take onboard what she says.
   
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 17th 2009, 02:36 AM

Kayla,
We haven't talked in a while. =O I'm always on IM, so you can always IM me. =]
I understand being upset about relapsing, I also understand you saying how good it feels to finally have done it again.
You can get up to two months again if you try.
Let me know if you ever have triggers that are driving you crazy dear.
<3 Em


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We believe every lie & say we'll still be friends
How long will it last
Before we scratch all the scripts & rework the casts
*Hourglass by the Hush Sound*


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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
savealife723 Offline
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Re: just another scar on my heart. - September 17th 2009, 05:34 AM

jen, my mom does not care that i selfharm. she knows that i have problems with it, and at first she was like "oh don't do it" but she never meant it.
now, she doesn't care. she sees my cuts and doesn't say anything. she never makes me eat when she sees i'm not, and she doesn't make me take my meds, when she knows that i need to.
she doesn't care what i do.
she hates me.

and emily, thanks. i just.. gah. i wanna do it again!


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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