TeenHelp

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)
-   Self Harm (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/)
-   -   So this morning I woke up bloody... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t2682-so-morning-i-woke-up-bloody/)

brendanmonline January 23rd 2009 05:50 PM

So this morning I woke up bloody...
 
Hey,

So, heres another topic by me. I'm sure some of you are starting to either hate me or ignore me now.

I'm almost ready to give up, when I over-come one problem, another one comes!

Anyways, here's the issue:

Right now out of the 12 kids I go to school with, I'm experiencing SEVERE bullying. Sometimes it's chill and everything is fine, the next time it's really bad and I almost feel like dieing. I can't afford a suspension or I'd take care of things already. I get threatened and people try to con me into fighting.

Anyways,

Recent it's been adding up. Last-night after my work-out I had a flash back of something someone said to me and I FREAKED out, I had no control, no matter how bad I wanted to have it. I started punching myself, I shredded the skin on my knuckles and busted my lip open and anyways I blacked out. I came back up from the gym, which is in my basement and I think I punched myself out because I woke up all bloody and bruised and painful this morning on the floor. I have no idea how to control these feelings.

It's fine unless I've got adrenaline running through my body and when I crank up the music, your a goner. I find that even at the carnival this past summer, as soon as "Now that your gone" came on, I scrapped a 19 year old who was about XXX lbs of pure muscle and boxed just for shits and giggs. If I'm not pumped, I'm a pussy.

But this is too hard on me now, I'm causing SELF HARM over things OTHER PEOPLE are doing to ME.

I don't know what to do...

The bullying is a whole nother topic, I doubt I can get any help on this one though.

Katrina January 23rd 2009 07:38 PM

Re: So this morning I woke up bloody...
 
Hey Brendan.

First of all, I know this is completely off-topic here, but please be careful about posting your first and last name on the internet. You never know what crazy folks are lurking around, and I surely don't want you to unintentionally put yourself in harm's way.

Kay. Down to the heart of the matter now. [: The bottom line, I think, of this is that you've got to learn how to control your anger. You can read up on anger management tips here; I strongly suggest you practice up with some of those before something like this comes up again and you hurt yourself--you certainly don't deserve any of that.

To be honest, I don't know what to tell you about the bullying, but I did want to mention it in my post just so you know that you are being heard and listened to. Have you tried to just ignore the bullies rather than get angry at them? I imagine it's incredibly difficult, but if you do get angry, you're giving them what they want, which is a reaction. They're trying to get to your very core and making you so angry that you DO get angry, and when you do, it fuels them even more. What a vicious cycle, right? If you've tried that, have you tried talking to someone with higher authority? It's hard to tell a teacher or administrator that you're being bullied, and sometimes it hurts things more than helps things in the *short run* [many people who advise you to tell people won't mention this]. In the long run, however, I do think it'll ultimately help you to get a 'higher-up' involved.

Anyway, Brendan, please be careful with yourself and take care. If you need to chat or whatever, you know where to find me. Cheers. :smile

brendanmonline January 23rd 2009 09:07 PM

Re: So this morning I woke up bloody...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Katrina (Post 29333)
Hey Brendan.

First of all, I know this is completely off-topic here, but please be careful about posting your first and last name on the internet. You never know what crazy folks are lurking around, and I surely don't want you to unintentionally put yourself in harm's way.

Kay. Down to the heart of the matter now. [: The bottom line, I think, of this is that you've got to learn how to control your anger. You can read up on anger management tips here; I strongly suggest you practice up with some of those before something like this comes up again and you hurt yourself--you certainly don't deserve any of that.

To be honest, I don't know what to tell you about the bullying, but I did want to mention it in my post just so you know that you are being heard and listened to. Have you tried to just ignore the bullies rather than get angry at them? I imagine it's incredibly difficult, but if you do get angry, you're giving them what they want, which is a reaction. They're trying to get to your very core and making you so angry that you DO get angry, and when you do, it fuels them even more. What a vicious cycle, right? If you've tried that, have you tried talking to someone with higher authority? It's hard to tell a teacher or administrator that you're being bullied, and sometimes it hurts things more than helps things in the *short run* [many people who advise you to tell people won't mention this]. In the long run, however, I do think it'll ultimately help you to get a 'higher-up' involved.

Anyway, Brendan, please be careful with yourself and take care. If you need to chat or whatever, you know where to find me. Cheers. :smile

It's only in my signature, there are quite a few people with that name so I am not too worried. Thanks for the concern though.

Thanks for that. See, none of that helps. It's the adrenaline, a natural fluid in my body that gets me in that stage. Like, I get so pumped and excited when I think about bashing one of the bullies heads off the wall. I'm a lethal weapon with my fists, I'm in a bulk regim in my body-building amatuer carrer and I could snap any of them in half.

The thing that gets me is like today. I'm hafl native, right. Well, the kid said "Hey, what's FBI stand for?" and I said, what? he said "Fucken big indian!" I was SO pissed! He took my chair from my feet too, and I took it back from him, he took it back from me and then I took it back from him again and I said "You touch this chair again and I will knock your shit through the fucking wall". Like, I'm not a bad kid at all. This stuff just POURS out of me in these situations.

Once again tonight, I stumbled to the floor and crawled as I was bleeding but I didn't black out. As soon as I think about today, I get so angry. I'm trying to hold back.

I want to fight this kid so bad. Monday, I think I am. I think I'll just go up to him and act cool nd then punch him the fuck out, like no joking. Unless he shuts up! I tried telling teachers and everything, he doesnt get in trouble, they say "Your only half native, no big deal". This is RETARDED!

Racism, fucking racists, I hate them all. The worst part is my half sister got beat up tonight because she was half native, pretty girl too in my opinion (i kno, half though so...) and she got beat up for being native. I swear, one day us natives will rune the day.

I usually don't ask for help, sometimes do and ONLY if it's seriosu and I can't do ANYTHING else. this is one of those cases.

7thCavalry January 23rd 2009 11:03 PM

Re: So this morning I woke up bloody...
 
-Brenden, Just wanted to say that most people at TeenHelp will never hate or ignore you. Everyone has problems some more then others.

-But When I was in high school, I sort of had the same problem. What I did to help it is buy a punching bag *Make sure you put tape on your hands or put gloves on* To take your anger out on it. Or try finding something that calms you down. Like soothing music or even poetry.

brendanmonline January 24th 2009 10:01 AM

Re: So this morning I woke up bloody...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 7thCavalry (Post 29499)
-Brenden, Just wanted to say that most people at TeenHelp will never hate or ignore you. Everyone has problems some more then others.

-But When I was in high school, I sort of had the same problem. What I did to help it is buy a punching bag *Make sure you put tape on your hands or put gloves on* To take your anger out on it. Or try finding something that calms you down. Like soothing music or even poetry.

Thanks, I hope not.

I've tried the punching bag thing. I can't use gloves or the wraps/tape, it doesn't do it for me if I don't bleed or cut skin.

What relieves the anger in the punching bag is pain, honestly. After my Adrenaline goes out, there is blood all over the baga nd the floor and just dripping out, my knuckles are bare to the blood and some-day the bone probably, that's when I call it quits. It's so anxhilerating to beat on that thing and watch my knuckles get tougher. I want the skin to be tough anyways, still though.


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:03 PM.

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
All material copyright 1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile