I feel so alone

[andres420]

I am 15 and I can't stop cutting myself. I relapsed today after I promised all my friends that I would stop. I absolutly cannot stand myself. Whenever I look in the mirror I can't even look myself in the eyes. That person in the mirror I just can't even look at. I started cutting myself in hope that someone would see my scars and tell me that they love me and that I shouldn't do that. Obviously, that never happened. Then I started burning myself which people started noticing but not believing that they were self inflicted. I feel so alone I feel like i have no one. Everyone is so much happier then I am. Everytime I cut it feels like I lose more and more control over my problem . I suffer from clinical anxiety and depression and take meds that dont work. My doctor told me that taking more pills would help but I am just really apprehensive. All I really want is someone to tell me they love me and to just give me a hug and tell me that I don't need to do this to myself anymore. At this point I dont think I can stop doing this on my own but I dont have anyone who loves me or even understands what I have to deal with everyday.

[*Jen*]

Hey,

I am sorry that you are going through all of this at the moment. It can be so hard when you promise someone you will stop self harming. I think it is unrealistic and only sets you up for letting yourself down. You will stop when you are ready to stop and you most likely will have a few slip ups along the way but that is part of recovery. You shouldn't let these set you back because you are stronger than that. Could you talk to any of your friends about your self harm? It might help to have a friend who can just listen and perhaps help you through the times when you want to cut.

It seems like you just want someone to notice just how much you are hurting at the moment. Feeling alone is a horrible feeling but I think people will want to help you if they knew how bad things were so try and talk to friends. You know self harm isn't the answer and you do lose more control over it over time. It just isn't worth it and people will help you if they knew how you were feeling.

I am not sure whether taking more pills would help but perhaps you should try it. Your doctor probably only wants to help you. Have you told them about the self harm? If not then I really think you should. If you did tell your doctor they might be able to get you some extra support like counselling then you wouldn't be alone with it all. People do care about you but they obviously don't see how much you are hurting so tell me.

I am always here if you ever want to talk so feel free to PM me anytime. Stay strong.