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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
.KillCasino. Offline
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Name: LauRAWR!
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Exclamation If I had a shotgun... - January 30th 2009, 10:32 AM

I want to cut so deep.
I want to drown.
I want to do ANYTHING to get rid of myself.
Because I feel useless.
Powerless.
Like I want to give in...

Last edited by Lizzie; January 30th 2009 at 11:47 AM. Reason: Suicide Methods removed
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If I had a shotgun... - January 30th 2009, 11:26 AM

I'm very sorry that you are feeling this way laura. Firstly, please don't do this to yourself, try and work over your triggers in a different way. Do you know what's triggering you so badly at the moment? Is there perhaps anything in particular that is causing you to feel like this? If you can work out what is causing you to feel like you have to do this to yourself then it might be possible to overcome it in a different way.
Secondly, does anybody else know how you are feeling? I know that if nobody does and you've been keeping these feelings and emotions locked away inside you for a long time then you probably don't want to approach anybody about this. Talking about something as deep and difficult as this is never going to be easy. However as a friend once said to me, things like this can be very much easier to fight when you have support from others and not when you're on your own. Is there perhaps a trusted friend, parent or teacher you can talk to about this and who can help you through this difficult time? Alternatively perhaps you could go to the school nurse or pastoral staff member? Every school has a pastoral person responsible for student wealthfare and they are experienced in this sort of problem and could really help your situation. You deserve help for this and you shouldn't have to suffer on your own any longer.
The other thing that i advise you to do (if you haven't already done this) is to get yourself a doctors appointment about this as soon as possible. I know this can seem scary but this could also be very very beneficial to you. GPs are very experienced and know what method and path to take in getting you referred to a a psychiatrist. I really do think that this would help you. As you are 17 you can either go on your own or take a parent with you. However I suggest that you do take someone with you becasue it can be very easy to freeze and not to say anything when you are put in a situation where you have to talk about something like this. Alternatively you could perhaps write the doctor a note an d hand it ti him/her if you find that you can't say anything.
In the mean time please try and relax and make sure that you aren't alone for long periods of time. Please also take time to check out the list of alternatives to SH in this forum. Some of them can be very useful. Also please make sure that you take care of yourself and your cuts. Insure that you have plenty of dressings and antiseptic cream on hand. Take care an please pm me at any time. lisa xxx


pm me at any time :-)
she feels alone...
even when you're all here

...she feels lost

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
.KillCasino. Offline
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Re: If I had a shotgun... - January 30th 2009, 11:30 AM

thanks...i guess. I am alone for long periods because i'm lacking in the friend and family department, and all my friends are 18 so they go out drinking and i cant go..I've been to the doctors also...meh...*sigh*
My mind is so muddled i don't even know what to say to that, except thanks...x
   
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Re: If I had a shotgun... - January 30th 2009, 11:43 AM

'Evenin guvna.

I know anything that I say in this message can only really be applied as a blanket statement. As just a show of human compassion because I don't actually know any thing about what is making you feel this bad.

I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel. How do you tell a blind man what red looks like? I think people often over look this. We aren't you and thus don't know your emotions or thoughts.
So we take an educated guess. Based on our own experiences, what we have read in books or experienced first hand.

It might feel like not existing would be the best possible scenario right now. But can you imagine what not existing would be like? It is beyond human conception to imagine nothing as we always imagine colour (or lack of light). Like imagining a new colour.

I have been going through my own 2 years of depression and SH and it is making me a much quieter person. But I feel much more calm (I think, right now I am going through a bit of an identity crisis). I am always thinking but there is always some thing to think about.
I marvel at emotions now, I appreciate them, every mood swing. They are all incredible. The fact that we feel them and the fact that you exist are 1 in infinity. Every thing you have ever done and will do will have an action and reaction on the world around you.

This message is getting too pretentious now.

I hope I have given you some thing to think about. Some thing to keep the mind working. The base to form your new philosophys.

PM or email me if you want to talk.

Brinn x
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Re: If I had a shotgun... - January 31st 2009, 07:01 AM

It's no problem and i'm here for you whenever you need to talk: just pm me or something. I will always try and help. Take care of yourelf ok? lisa xxx


pm me at any time :-)
she feels alone...
even when you're all here

...she feels lost

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
.KillCasino. Offline
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DoIHaveToGoBack? - February 2nd 2009, 09:57 AM

*sigh*
Last night I cut so deep, I was entranced...by the time I'd realised what I was doing....well, umm...I was in a pretty bad state. My brother drove me to the hosptial at like 1am, I got some stitches...blah.
Now though, I've just fricking picked at them, like an idiot and its bleeding again...do I have to go back...?

Edit by Lizzie: I merged your two active threads on this forum. Please do not make a thread when you already have an active one.

Last edited by Lizzie; February 2nd 2009 at 10:42 AM.
   
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Re: DoIHaveToGoBack? - February 2nd 2009, 10:01 AM

Aww, hun. *HUGS* I'm sorry you went through that last night. Well if the stitches have come out, or if it's bleeding alot. I would go back to get it checked out again. Take care. :]


"You'll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind."
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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: If I had a shotgun... - February 2nd 2009, 04:49 PM

Hugs to you. I am here if u need to talk.


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Re: If I had a shotgun... - February 2nd 2009, 05:51 PM

.KillCasino. has been banned now, I'm going to close this thread as she is not going to be able to reply to the thread.
   
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