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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Wee bit worried - February 3rd 2010, 10:38 AM

I really wasn't sure where this was meant to go, so I figured here would be the safest option.
Since I was 15, up until about 4 months ago, I've been self harming. I did a lot of it on my arms, so I had them covered for a long time, but over the past year, I stopped doing it on my arms, and slowly I've become comfortable enough to not have to cover my arms up. The scars are pretty noticable, but I usually keep my arms down, so people don't normally see much of them anyway, and the people who are in my life, know about the situation, and know I have stopped, so the scars are basically ignored.
Even though I'm normally pretty comfortable without sleeves, I find that if I do catch someone looking at them I immediately become extremely nervous and ashamed. The thing is though, I'm starting my first year of uni in less than a week, and I'm really nervous and worried about people seeing them. I know I can cover them up but it's the middle of summer, so I won't be able to everyday. I guess I made this thread because I'm just a bit freaked out about what people will say. I'm scared no ones going to want to have anything to do with me because they are just going to jump to the conclusion that there's something wrong with me.
I'm also a bit worried that I might self harm again if it does all get too much, because I really don't know any other ways of coping with stress, or calming myself down when I'm freaking out.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

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Re: Wee bit worried - February 3rd 2010, 09:41 PM

First off, I want to say congrats on making it four months! That's a GREAT accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. It's normal to be self concious about your scars, so don't feel bad about that. However, what you did was something in the past. If people can't see past your scars, then that's their problem not yours.

If it makes you feel better keep them covered, at least as you first start Uni. Maybe wear arm-warmers? This is just so you can feel a little more comfortable. Starting college will be difficult enough. You may not need to add more stress to it, and when your ready you can stop wearing them. They will also fade within time and won't be as noticable then.

Like I said perviously, it's something that occured in the past and your moving on. People should see that, and you shouldn't feel bad if they don't. Not everyone is perfect and who are they to judge? Keep in mind that the people that will truly matter won't judge you for the past, or even for you doing that all. Remind yourself that you are strong because you have overcome it and soon this will be behind you. They will fade, and in time you will become more confident. Just take a deep breath and focus on your school work and the people who really matter.
   
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Re: Wee bit worried - February 3rd 2010, 09:52 PM

Congrats on not self harming for 4 months! That really is a major accomplishment. I have been self harming off, and on for about 3 1/2 years or so now, and let me tell you, I understand how you feel about being ashamed or nervous, and not wanting people to see. At first, my scars were bright red, and to me, they just looked disgusting, but after years of doing it, and just becoming use to it, they don't bother me so much anymore, and when I do slip up, and self harm I sometimes even forget to cover them up because I'm become so use to it that to me, it feels normal, which obviously it's not healthy, but it's just the way I've trained myself to think.


People who say something about the scars, like, rude or judge you right off the bat are not EVEN worth your time. The people who say stuff that isn't rude are probably just concerned, and some people just don't know how to handle it. You gotta remember it's not a easy thing for even us self harmers to deal with so I had to learn, and you probably will too that a lot of people just don't know how to handle it so they ignore it. Not intentionally to hurt you, but to just make sure they don't slip up, and say something stupid, and make the situation ten times worse.


Your scars may be there forever, depending on the length, how deep, and all the variations, but regardless it will be a part of you forever, and unfortunately it's something you're gonna have to deal with. May I suggest that during the summer since it does get hot you could buy some good scar cream, and it could help rid the color? I have noticed that some of mine are still here, and will always be, but a lot of them have lightened up because of the scar creams I've use. There is some stuff called Bio Oil, used for stretch marks, but also used for scars, mederma, and scar zone. They have all worked good for me, and my friend uses the mederma for stretch marks, and it's cleared them up, but the best I noticed that got rid of color is the Bio Oil, but you also gotta take into consideration the scars will maybe not go away, but they can lighten up.


Please don't think I'm trying to be rude, I'm just trying to help you out, and make you not feel so self conscious about it because you are doing so good so far it sounds like, and you did obviously do something you weren't too proud of at one point in time, but you did it for a reason, and I hope to god that you don't relapse because of the stress. Just try to think of better things to do, some hobbies you enjoy, and keep your mind of it as much as possible! Also know you can PM me or talk to me anytime you need somebody because I will do my best to help.


I really hope I helped although I was a tad bit blunt, I'm just trying to help you out in the best way I know how. If you have any questions PM me!



-Natasha.


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Re: Wee bit worried - February 3rd 2010, 10:07 PM

I've tried bio oil before, it kinda worked but honestly I kept forgetting to put it on, but I think I should probably try using it again. Thanks to both of you for sort of snapping me out of my freak out about it, I mean, I always kinda realised that if people were judging me because of them, they weren't worth my time, but it helps when other people remind you of that aswell.
Oh, and Natasha, don't worry, you didn't seem rude at all, and being blunt is sometimes the only way to be


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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Re: Wee bit worried - February 4th 2010, 12:35 AM

I'm glad I didn't seem rude because that was not what I intended! Yes. I had/have the tendency to forget to put on the bio oil too! It happens, but if you really don't like the scars then you might have to wear long sleeves for a while until they start to dissipate, but hopefully you'll feel confident enough to know you've overcome something some people struggle with their whole lives, and that your scars are a thing of the past!


Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.


Dreamin'. Ohhhhhh. Of fallin'.

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Re: Wee bit worried - February 4th 2010, 08:48 AM

They sort of serve as a reminder about where I don't want to ever be again, but at the same time, like I've said, I'm quite ashamed of them. So it's like I want that reminder, but then I so don't, ya know?


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

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Re: Wee bit worried - February 4th 2010, 05:29 PM

Your welcome, and I know where your coming from when you say "as a reminder". Indeed they are! When you see them, you see where you once were and knowing that your not so far down anymore must be empowering. It's like proof to yourself that your getting better and you have something to be proud of. You've mad a huge accomplishment! I also know about the... reassurance thing. Don't worry about those people who judge you. They're just not worth it.
   
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Re: Wee bit worried - February 4th 2010, 09:54 PM

Yup! I completely understand. I'm the same exact way with my scars.


Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.


Dreamin'. Ohhhhhh. Of fallin'.

  Send a message via MSN to Natasha.  
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Re: Wee bit worried - February 4th 2010, 09:55 PM

Yeah, I suppose they aren't, it just kinda terrifies me that I won't make any friends at uni, and this might have a part in it.


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.


♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
♂ + ♂ = ♥

[♥]
   
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