Emptiness?

[Sympathy]

I guess I can say that lately I've been feeling fairly empty inside. I don't know what it is, but sometimes I'll get this odd feeling in my chest and stomach and I just want to hide in my room and cut myself until it goes away. I've been trying to be good about it and refrain from using my razor that I keep in my old room, but lately these feelings of loneliness have been almost too much to bear. I guess this is when that saying "I want to kill myself, but I don't want to die" comes in. I've attempted suicide before by ODing, and I have a feeling if this goes on for too long, it won't be a mere attempt. I wish I could tell someone about it; a teacher, the school Psychologist, my friends...but everytime I try, I choke up, laugh, then pretend I forgot what I was going to say. Nobody (as far as I can tell) has any clue on how I feel. I need help, but I'm afraid to get it. I don't want people to see my true colors of depression because one of my best friends once told me she ended a friendship with a girl she knew for years because the girl was "too broken". I don't want that to happen to me because my friends are all I have. It's not like I can just tell my mom. She threatened to send me away if I did anything extreme again.

Does anyone have any advice? ...Preferably something that doesn't involve parents? Thanks in advance.

[lana_303]

Could you write a note or send an email to a teacher or school counsellor? Could you also maybe talk to your other friends about what's going on and not the friend you mentioned?