Triggering: Super self distructive...

[XbeyondthisworldX]

Well, I've been cutting since I was 10, and I'm almost 14. I haven't done it in 5 months, but I'm super self destructive any way possible. I mean, like if I'm not cutting, I won't eat(I kind of borderline have an ED). I also put a LOT of blame on myself and basically tell myself everything is my fault(which is more mental, but it's kind of self distructive.) I also kind of destroy my realtionships with anybody I know. I don't know what to do, or why I'm like this. I just want to know what's wrong with me!

[Celestial.]

All right, first off, well done for being self-harm free for five months; that's great!

You say you don't eat sometimes, which is definitely not a good thing, as I'm sure you already know. The thing to ask yourself is this: Why do I do it?
What motivates you to not eat? Why do you feel the need to do it?
Unravelling the motives behind behaviours can be the key to changing them. So, if you figure out the reasons you choose not to eat, you can find counter-arguments for them, and start to sort it out.

By telling yourself negative things, you're probably decreasing your self-esteem. In order to up your self-esteem again, you need to work on reducing the frequency or at least intensity of these thoughts.

One thing I've found that helps is to question each negative thought, and really think about it. For example, if I think 'I'm stupid', and don't question it, I will start to feel bad about myself. If I have the same thought, though, and decide to question it, I might ask myself 'Why do I think I'm stupid? I failed one exam. That doesn't mean I'm stupid. That just means I failed my exam. What can I do to make sure it doesn't happen again?'. See how much more productive that is?

Alternatively, another technique that may help is to devalue each thought, and quickly move on. For example, if I think, 'I'm fat', that will lower my self-esteem if I continue to dwell on that negative thought. If I have the same thought and respond with, 'That wasn't helpful at all', and turn my attention to something else, the thought isn't as meaningful or hurtful.

Finally, you may like to consider seeking professional help for this. People like counsellors and psychologists are specially trained to help people deal with their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and to help change those for the better. A good psychologist or counsellor will be able to work through your feelings with you, and help you come up with strategies to help you cope in life.

Good luck.