want to so badly

[actingpassion123]

i just feel so worthless. i broke up with the guy i've been dating, and i thought we were ok, but today he came up to me and basically said that he didn't respect me as a person, that i don't have any real reason, that i'm bullsh#ting him. he put me down and walked away.

this is just the last straw. one of the reasons i broke up with him is because i've been so depressed i can barely take care of myself, much less be dating someone. but i couldn't tell him that. i can't tell anyone that. i want everything to go away. i want to cut so badly, but i'm scared that i won't stop. please, i need some help to get through the night.

[actingpassion123]

i got through the night, but i did end up cutting. i was able to restrain myself and not cut on my wrists, but it was still the most i've done in awhile. i just feel like all of my self-hatred has been validated by this guy. what can i do?

[redghoast]

hallo actingpassion123 im sorry that no one was able to coment before then and that no one has before me.
your reason for braking up with him is a fair one as you don't feel that you are able to look after your self so having to keep up a stable relasion ship would be to much for you. i understand that you don't want to tell anyone but its always worth having some one that is close to you that you can talk to as they can be easyer to comunicate with than someone on a foram.
what reason did you give him might be why he says that you don't have a reason. that is also why he says that he doesn't respect you as a person and if you went and told him im sure he would take what he said back and will try and help you through it.
i personly never told anyone about it untill i ment my gf and she found out she has helped me so much with it and i rarely ever do now and i always tell her after i do. maybe you have more truble with it because you have no one to talk to about it.

thank you hope i've helped and i can't wait for you to reply.

[DarkSeph]

Don't feel worthless, you definitely aren't. I'm really sorry to hear you were treated that way. What reason did you give your bf for breaking up? He might have thought you did it for no reason and might have spoken in anger? Telling him about your depression and real reasons might make a better understanding between you both. He might even apologize and support you as a friend.

I know it's hard to tell anyone, but depression can't be tackled entirely on your own. Talking to people and getting support and help can be a huge help. You sound like a nice person too, don't be so hard on yourself. If you ever need to talk or anything just pm, best of luck

[actingpassion123]

Thank you guys. I gave him a bunch of reasons that must have seemed like cliches, but i really meant them sincerely. i broke up with him for a bunch of different reasons: i'm not ready for a relationship that i know is going to have to end in two months (we're going to different colleges). we started it off as fun dating, no strings attached hook ups basically, and i realized that that's not me.
i basically told him that i was not ready to get involved in a relationship that had no strings attached, b/c i realized as a person i can't do that. he just kept rolling his eyes the whole time.

i'm not ready to tell anyone about my self-harm except my therapist, but i have told my mom that i'm having "some" problems with depression. and i think my best friend realizes this too. i just can't even admit to myself that i'm having problems, so it's really hard to even imagine telling someone else.

thank you guys for your support