I wish I could stop worrying so much. Sorry this is so long...

[luckyblue_e]

I don't know how to really get this all out without going on a rant, but, here goes...

Earlier tonight my boyfriend was driving me back home and we got on the subject of school. He's currently taking his classes online to get his General Education Classes out of the way before going back to college to major in Graphic Design, and hopefully I'll be done with my Senior year of high school by the time he's done with (or most of them) the online classes. Then he went on to say how we can then go to school together and both move on, and basically live happily ever after.

I don't know what happened, but I just had to say it, apprently.

I have NO idea how I'm going to get to college at all. My family has no money, and I have no college fund. I don't have a job, and I don't have a car. I would walk, or ride a bus so I could have a job, but we live so far away from town, so no buses come out here, and is too far to walk.

And then in my mind all I can think over and over again is no job=no car, no car=no job, no car+job=no money, no money=no college. And it's just a loop in my mind, and then that usually brings on the panic attacks.

Anyway, back to earlier tonight...sorry for going off like that...I didn't have the panic attack, but he said something about how I can always get scholarships, but I'm not good enough for those, either. I'm not smart enough for any kind of scholarship...and school even stresses me out, and causes panic attacks, too...So now I just want to cut...Just a little bit...But I don't want to ruin all the time I've put into not doing it, and I've already had slip ups before...I don't know what to do...

[Yale]

Is there any way for you to get to work? Friends, family, etc...?

As for college, try for scholarships. You'd be surprised what you could do =] As for money... Student loans? Some colleges also offer financial aid. :/ I guess it all depends on what you plan on majoring in.

[Enchanted ❧]

Hey there honey,
First off please do not cut!! I know it seems worth it and tempting but please please please don't.

There are so many oppurtunities out there for pathways to college, there are grants and there is finacial aid and even student loans. If college is something you are serious about you can find a way I am sure.

You said you don't have a job, well what about babysitting, dog sitting and other odd jobs even the littelest jobs could make you some cash.

Goodluck.
Trish

[luckyblue_e]

Thanks for answering, Yale and Trish.

As for jobs, we moved to Kansas, so the only family I have I already live with. My dad works in flooring, so he never has set hours, and my step-mom also has her own job. And I do babysit, just not for money. We have six kids in the house not counting me...and one on the way that's due soon...Lol. So I don't get paid, or an allowance, or whatever.

And, as for schooling, I just always feel like I'll never get a scholarship since I screwed up so badly my freshman year of highschool...I'll be lucky if I even graduate. I also plan on majoring in music...So there's music scholarships...I just have no idea if I'd be good enough to qualify for one.

Thanks for responding, guys. <333

Oh, and I didn't end up cutting that night. I scratched my arms some...but not badly...but that was it.