weirdness of me

[Black Canvas]

Hey

OK, so I have been self-harm free for a couple months now. (: The urges haven't gone away been I have been able to overcome them and not self-harm.

This seems to be a common theme among recovering self-harmers, but the want, or rather need to self-harm has come back with a vengeance.
When I used to self-harm it was pretty bad but I didn't often think of suicide. I stopped self-harming and soon after the suicidal thoughts came flooding in. I can control them but I feel like a badly constructed dam. I can only keep the water back til a flash flood comes, I hope that flood doesn't come but I have a feeling it will. Recently I have had some major storms that have cracked my wall. I am afraid it will burst with the next rainfall. lol I know, weird analogy.

Anyway, I have been trying to figure out what to do. I know I have issues but is it logical to go to a therapist? I have gone this long without their help, what could they do now? I feel that it is kinda illogical to go see someone when I haven't self-harmed in a long time. This is where I am stuck. I have no idea what I want.

Sorry for my weirdness, I am trying to think this through so I can actually make a decision for where I am at now.

Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Thanks

[.:BreakingBeautifully:.]

Hey there,

I think going to a therapist would be a fantastic idea. A therapist will help you find the tools to cope with the storm that might be brewing. Therapy isn't just about solving the problems of here and now, it is also about learning to cope with the many storms that life is going to throw your way. I think therapy is a great tool and if you have access to it then use it. I know it might be scary or you might be feeling like you don't need it but what could it hurt? Help yourself by finding the tools to fight the urges and keep fighting the urges.

In the meantime I suggest you look at the alternatives to self harm. Whenever you are feeling a very strong urge to harm yourself try using the alternatives. They can be really helpful.

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

I hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna