Need to help a friend who self harms.

[Edelweiss]

I'm not on this forum because I self injure. I've never thought about doing it, done it, or felt a reason to. However...

My best friend (the peanut butter to my jelly type, I love this girl to death) cuts regularly. It's actually 4 am as I post this here, and i'm up because i'm so upset about her situation that I can't sleep. I need someone to listen to me, and give me advice on what they think she needs, because it goes without saying someone who self injures or has in the past would know better what she's going through than I do.

The situation at the moment is: She knows I know. I found out last year when she and her mom spoke together with a school psychologist, and got her therapy. She said she was getting help and even picked up a hobby to keep her mind off it (I guess the therapist told her to), and was clean all summer. She started again last month, and does it every few days.

When I confronted her, I texted her with a long message explaining that I knew about her situation, wouldn't judge, cared about and loved her, and told her I was always there for her. She responded telling me it was none of my buisness, and that she would stop if she wanted to. She sounded defensive and angry, and not at all like herself. It terrified me.

I cried myself to sleep over it, and couldn't stop shaking. After I got her reply, I literally felt sick to my stomach, and started shaking violently. It didn't stop until I tried to take my mind off of her.

Basically, i'm scared, and confused about where to go from here. I don't want to bug her about it any more, for fear of her getting angry. I copied the list of alternatives to self harm from this site, and am debating sending it to her. Would that help, or do you think it would make her angrier? I don't think I could survive without her talking to me, and I don't want to turn her away.

Me and her other friend who know are planning to see if it gets worse over a month, and contact her mother to ask if she knows her daughter's relapsed if she doesn't stop. She doesn't know we want to do this. Again, we're too afraid to tell her. Is this plan okay?

What do you guys think I should do in this situation (she already has a therapist, and it obviously doesn't help much)? If any of you had similar feelings when you cut, what would you want done for you?

Thank you so much for reading each bit of this, if you're here. I really need your help, i'm desperate to help my friend to be okay again.

[Kakorrhaphiophobia]

Hi,

First, I want to say welcome to TeenHelp.
You are an awesome friend for doing all that you've done to help your friend. Telling her that you will be there for her and that you won't leave her is very great of you and even though she seems mad, she probably is right now, she might end up thanking you and your other friend for the help later.
I think you should first know that cutting isn't something for some people that just stops when they start receiving the help they need. Many people that cut, including myself, have relapsed and it's hard to get back on track after relapsing, sometimes, but it is possible. Cutting isn't an easy habit to quit at first and I think you send ing your friend the alternatives list will be a great idea. Even if she gets mad at you, what would you want, her to be mad, or not have a list of ways she can look at to stop her from hurting herself?
I also think that the plan to call her mom won't be a bad idea, if you notice her cutting is getting really bad, you should tell someone about it so that she can possibly work on dealing with what is triggering her to cut right now.
I think you should inform her of the plan, she has the right to know, not telling her about it might make her mad and if anger is one of her triggers, that could be a bad thing.
I can tell you if I were her in this situation, I'd be angry at first, most likely, that my friends told my mom and knew I started relapsing again, but I think after a while, I'd be able to thank my friends for there support and help.
I know you are in a hard position, I was in this position back in middle school and I ended up almost losing that friend, now we are on okay terms with each other, meaning we just chat on facebook, but it's a step closer to regaining a friendship.
I think you should look at the following links, they are information for friends of people that Self Harm and might be helpful for you in making decitions about how to deal with your friend:
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind...end_cuts.html#
and
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/life..._who_cuts.aspx

I hope I have helped, if you ever need anything, you can PM me and I'll be glad to help. I just want to tell you again that you are a great friend for doing what you are doing and careing as much as you care, I look up to you for that.
Hope to see you around and let me know how things turn out.

[Eyes on Fire-Xx]

Firstly, your realy and amazing friend. I think sending the alternatives is and awesome idea. And your plan to tell her mom, but you should tell her. My friends did that to me, that if I did anymore they'd tell my parents, and that gave my huge incentive to stop. And, to be honest, she's going to be pissed. But she'll thank you deep down, and when she gets over it. I wouldn't talk to my best friend for a few days after she told on me, but after a couple days I thanked her, because without someone knowing I may not have stopped. Your an awesome friend, and your handling this very well ^^

[ShaShannon]

Yes send her the alternatives to self harming. I've gone through this and it not easy to stop. You're a great friend. You definitely need to tell her that you will have to tell if she doesn't stop. Tell her you don't want her to hurt herself and you're worried about her. Try making a safety plan. Talk to her about things that trigger her cutting and what she can do instead. Tell her she can talk to people about it and send her here to Teenhelp. it could help her to have the support.