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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Anny Offline
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A harmer's questions.. - December 10th 2010, 03:01 PM

I'm a self harmer, but few people know.
I'm not sure whether I'm ready to stop completely- forever without harming seems like a long, long time, but I have a target to reach- next Friday I'm going to a ball, and then the Sunday after I have a carol service. If I make that far, it'll be 4 weeks safe, which, for me, is a long time.
I have a few questions-
How do you DEAL with feelings etc? I know how to distract myself when Im triggered, but not how to deal with the feelings behind it, mainly self hatred.
How do you find the motivation to stay safe once you've reached your target, and passed it?
Is it really possible to go and live a life free from self harm?

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 10th 2010, 03:16 PM

I'm really glad you've come here to reach out for some help Remaining safe can take a lot of hard work and effort-- patience as well. It IS 100% possible to live an entire life free of self harm (even if you've had a long past of doing so). It's completely possible and something to strive for

How do you deal with the feelings?
I'd try a variety of techniques. Try talking about them, writing about them, crying about them. Check out a list of alternative that can be found here: www.teenhelp.org/alternatives
You could also try talking to your school counselor who could provide help as well
Specifically, for self hatred, could you try making post-it notes about things you LOVE about yourself and stick them on your mirror or in you closet? Somewhere where you can see them every day?

Once you've managed to stay safe-- just keep doing what your doing. Make a new goal-- make short AND long term goals. There is always something to reach for

Hope this helped just a little,

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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 10th 2010, 04:03 PM

It seems such a long way off- to be harm free, but I guess it is something to strive for.
I'll look at that list in a minute, thanks
I talk to a youth leader at my church about the harm, and the self hatred, and everything, so I have support from her.
I have post-it-notes, and little cards of Bible verses, many of them from my youth leader, but there's not really *anything* I love about myself at all.

Thank you Amy.. and, slightly OT, but, is your avatar from something called Vegie Tales, or am I just being silly?
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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 10th 2010, 07:13 PM

you will get there eventually hun. you're so young and you've got your whole life ahead of you, and you can make it self-harm free. it totally lies in your hands. day by day the feelin of accomplishment from not cuttin gives you self-loving feelings, because you are doing something good for yourself. take care ..x
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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 10th 2010, 07:23 PM

Hi just so you know i have stopped self harming for 2 years now.

How do you DEAL with feelings etc?
Depending on what it is e.g. if its parents then i go out or stay at a friends house.Even though i'm now not living with my parents - but i'll not go into that.
Feelings like lack of confidence and self esteem i've got comments from people that i care about that make me feel good about myself or i help other people which then distracts me from my problem then im fine afterwards when i've done helping the other person.
How do you find the motivation to stay safe once you've reached your target, and passed it?
I don't want to hurt other people and i don't want to be scared for life,i go running tho so that makes the feeling go away for me.
Is it really possible to go and live a life free from self harm?
yes - get help from a counsellor or someone like that,help yourself by dealing with the main cause of your sh.
And good luck with stopping or lowering your amounts of sh.

Love you Naomi R.I.P i miss you loads but i will never forget you
08/11/92 - 10/11/92

R.I.P Gill - I love you as a second mum,will never forget you and all your advice,oh and i will keep smiling like you wanted see
Going to try continue helping people like you wanted and you did,hope i'm making you proud
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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 11th 2010, 08:45 AM

Hey there.

I think it's great you're thinking about stopping self harming, and even better that you're willing to reach out for help. It takes a strong person to do that, and the fact that you have shows me that you're really determined.

If you can't think of anyone nice about yourself - and I think we've all probably gone through phases where that holds true - you could maybe ask some of your friends, family members, etc, to write some good things about you?

It's hard dealing with feelings that have caused you to self harm. After all, to cause you to do something like that, they must have been pretty difficult. But it's good you've realised that you need to deal with them, and I hope you can find a way to do that. For me, it's writing. I write diary entries, or even stories, and they help me sort out my thoughts and feelings. Or talking to someone - do you feel better after talking to the youth leader, for example?

Once you achieve a goal, reward yourself, and then make another. Say you reach four weeks? Why not try for a fifth? If it helps, don't think of it as 'never self harming again'. I know that thought can be daunting. Instead, think of it as 'taking it one day at a time'. It's amazing how quickly the days can slip by without you self harming, and suddenly you may find you're on the road to recovery.

There's two ways people generally try to stop. Both have their advantages and limitations. The first way is counting days. This is exactly what it sounds like - you make a conscious note of every day you're self-harm free, and that way you reach your goals. The other way is losing track. It sounds strange, but for some people, not counting days helps. It can make the days seem quicker, and suddenly you'll think about it and realise you're however many days free. I don't know which way might work for you, but you could try either or both?

And, finally, yes, it is definitely possible to overcome self harm and live a life free from it. I believe you can do it.

Good luck.

let no science fix our path
if only numbers make its math.
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Re: A harmer's questions.. - December 11th 2010, 08:59 AM

Thank you...

I have a friend [the only friend who knows about the si etc] who has written me a list of 'good' things about me in the past, but I find myself totally unable to believe any of them are true!

I do feel better after talking to the youth leader, yeah, she helps me

In the past, when I've gone longer periods of time [i was nearly 2 months free over the summer] I had a long-term target, so I wanted to be a month free, but I didn't count the days within that month.

To be fair though, it was a lot easier while I was on summer break, rather than living my normal life, with school, and friends and everything!

How are you meant to answer the question "what's wrong?" when nothing’s quite right?
Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone.
I don't let the world see me, because I know that they wouldn’t understand.
I'll fake all the smiles, if it stops all the questions.
You're scared because you don't understand... I'm terrified because I do.

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