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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Spoons Offline
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My mother... - December 29th 2010, 02:04 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I SH by cutting on my body. I also pick at my head until it bleeds and scabs.
My mom saw all the scabs on my head and never figured out that it was SH. She said it was a disgusting habit and it needed to stop, and offered to buy me new shampoo. She was screaming at me because it was a habit and told me to stop. I know she thinks I will, but I won't truly.
She saw the SH scars once before, and after only a few visits to a therapist she thought I had stopped. However, once she found out she screamed at me.
The bad thing is, I know that she will find out again. I go to the doctor's in January and then in the summer I swim a lot. There are scars all over my thighs and hips from where I put a pencil sharpener blade to my skin. I know my mom will find out, and she will scream and search my body for new cuts every day, and if she finds any she will probably scream more. What is something I can do to change her reaction once she finds out? I don't want her to know I cut because even though she'll make me get help, she'll scream at me and make me feel bad. What can I say to her to make her react differently? I can't tell her why I cut and she can't expect me to stop instantly, so what are some things I can say to make it better for both of us while I still do?
   
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Re: My mother... - December 29th 2010, 02:42 AM

Well, obviously the first thing you should be doing is trying to stop. Aside from your mothers reactions, SH isnt a good way to deal with anything. It just causes more problems.

For your actual question though, you can try explaining why you do it and what things trigger it and such. I know for me, my dad didnt care. My mom was disapointed in me and my uncle soon found out and tried to send me off to some psychunit in a different state. Theres a whole different range of reactions that can come out of it, but its worth a shot.

Try to approach her on your own, not only when she notices it. Tell her you need to talk to her, in a time you wont be interupted by other family members or conflicting activities.

Sit down and say "Mom, I know you know about my cutting. Your reactions really hurt me and Id like to explain to you some things about it." She may not be willing to listen. In that case, keep bringing it up with her every once in awhile. You can see where that leads you. But if shes willing to listen, go ahead and start talking.

Do you have a diagnosis? Like Depression, Dysthymia, Anxiety, Bi-Polar, any of that? If so, you can explain how those affect every person differently. Explain to her the feelings you get and what triggers them, and what feelings you get out of SH.

She may start to grasp onto what your saying, but if she doesnt, dont get discouraged. No parent wants their kids to suffer like that. She may just not know how to deal with it.

If she sends you back to counseling, you could try Family therapy for a session or two? and have a therapist mediate a discussion between you and your mom. That may help.

If you need any other ideas or need someone to vent to, dont hesitate to PM me.

I Hope this helps. <3

Good Luck. (:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: My mother... - December 29th 2010, 03:38 PM

But what if my mother is one of the triggers? I wouldn't feel comfortable with telling her that she's one of my reasons.
   
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Re: My mother... - December 30th 2010, 08:01 AM

Really you cant do anything to change her react unless you lie, but lying is bad. You just need to stop self harming. Maybe you also try scar cream to help reduce your scars. Its just a suggestion.


~Alex

Last day I cut: 7-13-2010

I believe in everyone that I help that they will get over whatever they are struggling with.

I regret nothing in my past. My past made me who I am today.

There is freedom from self harm feel free to email me anytime if you wanna chat at:
alexshort154@yahoo.com


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Re: My mother... - January 1st 2011, 11:28 PM

We know that Self-harming isn't something that you can't just stop and never look back, but your mom may not know that. Most parents don't understand why their children self-harm and thats why they angry. They don't understand that we are in pain and it's not for attention, and it's not because we think it is "cool". Eventually you will have to talk to her about it and like Ashley said tell her your triggers. If your mom is your main trigger don't flat out say that because that is going to put her on the defense and her reaction will be much more negative and unsupportive. If you do end up going to counseling some family sessions can help her understand why you do it. Therapy will also help you quit, it will take time and it will be difficult but I believe that you can do it. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
   
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