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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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AmiFey Offline
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Just Once More.. - January 11th 2011, 08:06 PM

I need to do it just one more time.. The problem is, I know that if I give in once I'll be giving in for at least another month or two, and I don't think I can get away with that. I've only gone a week (with a slip-up once or twice) and I'm near OD'ing again because this is the only way I can cope. I feel like I'm trapped alone by this. I need it so much more than the other girls I know who do it. What is wrong with me? Why am I so screwed up? How can I stop for good..? I've tried doing it on my own, I've tried doing it with help, I don't know what else to try. Cutting is a need.
   
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Re: Just Once More.. - January 11th 2011, 09:22 PM

HAve you tried writing about how you feel?


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Re: Just Once More.. - January 12th 2011, 12:45 AM

First, there is nothing wrong with you and you are not screwed up.
Cutting is an addiction, and no addiction is easy to overcome. But you have to try your hardest to beat it, because you're the only one that can stop it.
Talking to someone or getting help is one of the biggest steps to getting better. You say you have gotten help but it didn't work.. Did you talk to someone?
You could also try some of the alternatives to SH and try to find something that will work for you. I personally use rubber bands and ice to help me stop, but what works for one person doesn't always work for another. Like purplekc said, you could try writing. Writing has helped so many friends of mine with their struggles.

And one week is great. We all have slip ups, but being able to not do it for such a long period of time is amazing. One week is better than nothing. <3


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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Re: Just Once More.. - January 12th 2011, 02:46 AM

I see a therapist, but it isn't helping much so far, even though I'm being as open as I can be with her. I also talk to my friends about it, and my support group at church. The problem is, if I see a sharp object I just want to run it across my skin until it bleeds.

And I've tried a lot of the alternatives. They either didn't help or managed to trigger me more. (The rubberband thing did work for a month or so, though.) Writing was one of the things that made it worse..

Aaaand I kinda gave in. There are quite a few marks on each arm and on my thighs. orz The only thing I can think of now is to be physically seperated from anything that I could use to hurt myself, which I couldn't do unless I were to be put somewhere or something. (I've tried getting rid of what I use, but I become so desperate to do it again that I'll either get another or use something else until I can get ahold of another within the next few weeks.)
   
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Re: Just Once More.. - January 12th 2011, 03:06 AM

Katie,

You're not screwed up. You're struggling, you're having a rough time, and naturally you're going to turn to the coping method you're used to. You're used to hurting yourself to cope with triggers, and the things in your life that you aren't able to or don't want to deal with.. so it's going to be the first thing you think of when something happens. That's why it's an addiction, because it's difficult to break the cycle and un-train yourself to automatically think of self-harm when you're struggling.

You're absolutely right - one time is never just one time. And I know that's tough to remember when you have an urge. But try to remind yourself that if you DO hurt yourself, it's not going to make it any easier to recover. It's just going to get you back into the cycle and that's not something you want.

Therapy does take time to work.. time, effort, patience, and a lot of hard work. It's fantastic that you're being open with your therapist, and that definitely makes a difference - that you're willing to work with her. Results don't happen over night; they're the result of hard work and determination and patience. Stick with it and eventually you will see a difference.

If alternatives don't help.. and I totally get that, alternatives can be good distractions but they're not the same as the real thing. If you can't distract yourself, try surrounding yourself with others. It's harder to hurt yourself in a room full of people, or when you're around a close friend. Even just calling someone up on the phone can be a huge help, in terms of keeping grounded and such.

Just gotta push through it.. hang in there and take care.



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Re: Just Once More.. - January 12th 2011, 05:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmiFey View Post
The problem is, if I see a sharp object I just want to run it across my skin until it bleeds.

And I've tried a lot of the alternatives. They either didn't help or managed to trigger me more. (The rubberband thing did work for a month or so, though.) Writing was one of the things that made it worse..
I completely understand where you're coming from. If you want to stop, you have to tell yourself everyday just how bad you want it. It's not worth the extra pain and scars in the end, it'll just make things more complicated.

Also, maybe those alternatives don't work, but what's something that you love doing? Something that is not harmful in any way. Reading, music, being with people? You should try to surround yourself in the harmless, nontriggering things that you love to do.

The Butterfly Project is pretty interesting, too, as long as you actually like butterflies. =P


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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