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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Euphoria Offline
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My friend - January 20th 2011, 08:00 PM

I have a friend who is in 8th grade and started cutting in 6th grade. She was clean most of 7th grade but is still struggling and relapsing now. She has a lot of family issues going on and doesn't really feel comfortable talking to her parents. She mostly talks to me, and one of her other friends who just found out last week. Her counselor at school found out last week and told her parents. This is the second time this has happened(the last time was in 6th grade). Her mom (idk about her dad) was not very supportive this time. She yelled at her and didn't even take away the razor blades. She gave no signal of being there for her in her time of need. She is starting back in therapy but it's going to take some time to open up to her therapist and actually make progress with her.

Any advice on what I should say at this point? I've been helping her for a while but at this point I'm kind of lost for words. Anything you can think of please post!!!
   
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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 12:18 AM

Just be supportive! It sounds like she needs a stronger support system. Let her know (even if she's heard it before) that you are there for her and will help her in any way willing.

I by no means understand any problems that she has in her life, but to me if she had more support and motivation from her parents she might be able to recover better. Have you, or anyone else brought this to the parents attention?


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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 12:23 AM

I have told her multiple times that I am here for her. Her counselor has talked to her parents the two times that they found out about her self harm. Her parents are a lot like mine in that it is very difficult to talk to them about anything especially something like this.

I have told her that unless the self harm becomes very serious or I feel her life is in danger, I won't bring it to our youth directors attention.
   
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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 12:59 AM

I think that, to some extent, at this stage in our life, parents are redundant to a pretty large degree. This is coming from probably the most rationally defiant personality you'll ever meet, though, so make of it what you will. But I do think it's clear that in her case, her parents won't be a very good support system.

It's so important to show her in any and every way that you're here for her.

Encourage her to stop in any way you can. Keep track of how long she can go without SHing, and make a big deal when she beats her previous best -- because it is a big deal.

If you ever go to her house... you can take away her razor blades yourself. Make sure she sees you if/when you do that and doesn't protest a great deal, though.


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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 06:52 PM

Hey,

It is difficult for a lot of teens to talk to their parents about things because the parents don't listen and/or understand. Since you can listen and understand, it is definitely a good idea to continue being her support system.

Try and think up ways to get her to quit. You could give her goals as in 1 week, 1 month, 6 months, etc. and at the end of those time periods, you and her could have a girl's night out, see a movie, etc.
I hope this helped.

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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 11:05 PM

I think you should be there for her, a shoulder to cry on, to help her get through these times. Giving up self harm isn't easy, and I can speak from experince. It's a long process, and a lot of tears will be shed.

A good idea would be a journal. When ever she feels the urge, get her to slash x's across the pages or something, because it can help. Also, rubber bands can help for a safer way to break off from razor. You put one around your wrist and snap it until your done.

Just be there, don't pry to much. A lot of cutters get very defensive.
   
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Re: My friend - January 21st 2011, 11:11 PM

Broken raven-

Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to put out there my experience as well(struggling with SH as well) that snapping with rubber bands can start out as a way to end cutting, but can become a way of SH as well. I have talked to myfriend about this because it has happened to me. I started out usig it to help get over cutting. It got so bad that I would use 5 or 6 at a time and end up with bruises and welts covering my arm.

Thank you for your advice though. I will definitely continue being there for her and encouraging her through the healing process.

PM me if you ever need anything or want to talk.
   
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