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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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lola jonson Offline
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how to tell mom - January 27th 2011, 08:31 PM

How do I tell my mom that I've been cutting myself for a Year? I've tried to say something about it before but every time I try I can't get myself to say the words out loud. I've never been able to say"I cut myself" out loud before. No one knows about it except one of my friends that I told through text message and that was really difficult, I just told them a few weeks ago and i thought at the time that I had stopped but I started again and now I need to tell more people but I don't know how. I don't want anyone to overreact or judge me because of it.
   
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Re: how to tell mom - January 27th 2011, 08:36 PM

Hey there.

It sounds like you're going through a rough time right now but it's great that you're trying to reach out to people and let them know what is going on.

I'm hoping that who ever it is you turn to won't judge you, especially your mum. I feel hopeful in saying that she'll try to support you and be there. And if you do happen to tell anyone and they judge you, then that most certainly shows more about them as a person than it does you.

Talking about this can be hard and admitting it and saying it for the first time can be even harder. Its something which has been going on for a while now and it's something really personal to you. I personally think the best way forward is just to be honest with her. Don't lie about anything. Just get it out. If you can't just 'get it out' because like you said saying those words are really hard which I can completely understand, I suggest you try writing her a letter and explain what's going on and how you're feeling right now. This way you don't have to physically say it but you're still telling her and getting that bit of extra support.

I really hope you do manage to let her know and that she manages to support you and get you further help if you feel you need it. You don't deserve to be hurt. You can beat this so keep fighting.

Take good care.
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Re: how to tell mom - January 27th 2011, 10:44 PM

In all honesty, the fact that you want to tell someone and seek help is a good sign. It's also natural to fear that people are going to judge us for something that we think is so wrong or bad. Chances are, you probably judge yourself for doing it and fear that others will do the same. However, you would be surprised at the number of people who can be understanding about this sort of thing. Most people can be, and when someone isn't, it is usually because they are frightened or don't understand it. This is where clear communication can become helpful when asking for help.

To be honest, telling people you cut is not going to stop you from cutting; you're brain isn't going to think, "well, she told someone she cuts, so she can stop now." However, it's a step in the right direction. I would suggest focusing on telling your mom. Sit down with her at a time and place that you feel safe. Preface it with letting her know that you have been struggling with some very heavy emotions for the last year, and you finally feel comfortable enough to tell her what's going on because you want her support. Let her know you fear she will judge you, but that you want to let her know what's going on anyway. Then tell her however you need to, whether it be straight up, through a note you write beforehand, or whatever. Just do it in a way that is comfortable and safe for you.

Telling people is the first step towards getting help with stopping. You're on the right track to getting where you want to be by taking this step.



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Re: how to tell mom - January 28th 2011, 02:10 AM

Hey Lola.

First off, I think it's great you want to open up to your mother about this. Talking to someone about self harm isn't easy, I know, and it shows you have courage for wanting to do so.

Like Jessica said, if you're finding it hard to do it face-to-face, you could always write her a letter? That way you can get your thoughts organised and be clear on what you're telling her, before you actually tell her. Does that make sense?

You could also talk to your friend about it first. Maybe even ask if your friend could be there when you tell your mother, or be on standby in case you need moral support afterwards? Having a good support system can be very helpful for you.

Remember that everyone reacts differently to news like this. Some people may react with shock or even anger, but it's just because they care about you and don't want you hurting yourself. I've found that the more people know about something, the less they react negatively towards it. So if you give your mother an information pamphlet about self harm, for example; I've found that works well in helping parents understand things like this. Also, be willing to answer her questions as honestly and openly as you can: if she believes you're holding things back from her, or lying to her, she'll likely have a negative reaction.

I wish you all the best.


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