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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Blair Offline
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Why??? - February 20th 2011, 11:44 PM

Those of you who cut: why do you do it?
Those of you who don't cut: why would you think cutters hurt themselves?
I ask this because I've recently had two friends (one who cuts and one who doesn't) ask me why I do it and the question seemed so different from them even though the words were the same. I'm still trying to figure out my answer and I'd like to hear all of yours


Just Keep Breathing
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 12:08 AM

Why: Cutting is a way for me to physically feel I "punish" myself when I do something wrong even if its an honest mistake. I feel I must endure the pain to make up for what I did.

I know its wrong and I've quit cutting A LOT. The rationale for not cutting, for me, is that it is impossible for any mistake or decision to be so bad that even you have to punish yourself through physical pain. No one cuts a child when they do something wrong so why is it right for me to cut myself when I make a mistake? It isn't right.
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 12:30 AM

Why I cut: is to create pain so I understand what I did to other or punishment for doing something that I Hate myself for. So that I have to go through pain or to make me feel better cause I feel like I'm releasing anger.
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 01:07 AM

why do i cut? I once submitted my story of self harm to this guy. He's publishing a book about self harm and not from the bullsh*t medical views we have to put up with who have no clue about it, but from us, the ones who actually know what it's like.

So the long story of why I do is this;


Things became too much to deal with on my own and this was the first time I turned to self-injury. I’m not sure why I did this at first. I just know that my thoughts were overwhelming. I felt trapped within my emotions, like I was losing control of everything and there was no escape. Everything around me was slipping away from me. My colleague was seriously triggering me. I’d spend hours at a time in my room alone, without a clue what was going on. I was scared and would just rock back and forth. Whenever this would happen, if someone spoke to me, I wouldn’t hear a thing they were saying. The first time I took the blade, I felt such an amazing relief. Like I could finally let a small amount of that pain out.
There were many reasons I carried on doing this. Sometimes I felt nothing at all, I felt completely empty. So this was a way of being able to feel something, anything. Other times I’d be angry. Angry at myself for not getting out of the situation in the first place, for allowing such a thing to happen to me. I’d be angry for not being a stronger person. Whilst some may say I was being the opposite of strong by giving into the urges to self-injure, it was never about regaining that kind of strength. It was almost as if I was punishing myself even further. That by punishing myself I could forgive myself for getting into that place. I was also so angry at him and as I couldn’t take my anger out on him and taking it out on anyone else would be unfair, I had no option but to take it out on myself. I felt by injuring myself, it calmed me down without interfering in anyone else’s life.
But most importantly, self-injury is and always has been a form of control for me. When your head is all over the place, when you lose control in such a big way, sometimes any control is better than none. Even if that means hurting myself to gain back that control. Calmness washed over me every time I self-injured, my racing heart beat slowing down to a normal pace again. My feelings were back in control again, even if just for a few moments. The pain I was feeling was because of something I had done, not because of a decision someone else had made.
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 02:12 AM

why i cut: for me it has a lot to do with stress. if i feel really stressed put i cut and it releases the stress and makes me feel better. and sometimes i feel upset or sad usually for no clear reason and it just makes me feel a little better i guess.


We do not fear death, we fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace.
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 03:31 AM

For me it started out a release, but now I feel like I have no other choice, it has turned into a completely out of control addiction and I no matter how hard I try I can't stop.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 05:45 AM

I cut because I feel nothing, and it gives me something to feel. Also, I do it cause I feel things have become too much, and it's my way of coping


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 12:08 PM

I cut because i want to feel in control of something, to feel the pain it brings. To be honest it's more addiction now, so if anything bad happens i turn straight to cutting.


'Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics'



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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 01:45 PM

I've done it for a myriad of reasons throughout my life. Right now I am because it's the only way I know how to cope when I'm out of control, and because my medication is so screwed up, I have no self-control. I know I won't do it forever, it's just something I feel I need RIGHT NOW to get me through.


when you love and laugh abundantly you live a beautiful life.
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 01:57 PM

i cut cos i have control of it no1 else
people try control my whole life but they cant control weather i cut or not only i can


i have a guardian angel watching over me she tells me what to do when i have no clue
   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 06:22 PM

I have several reasons.

It gives me control.

It punishes myself.

It makes all of this pain going on inside me real and reminds of that when i see my scars.


Religion has NOTHING to do with who my God IS.

You are more than the choices that you've made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade

   
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Re: Why??? - February 21st 2011, 06:44 PM

I cut to feel in control, free, alive.. To feel the stress pour out of me. I did it to stop the anxious ticks. I did it to save everyone around me and to save myself. I did it to build trust with myself. I did it because I deserved it.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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