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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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telling an adult - March 18th 2011, 10:49 PM

Hey, I'm thinking of telling my mum but I'm scared.

I keep thinking how if I was a mother, I'd want my daughter / son to be able to talk to me about this sort of thing. I wouldn't want them to be alone in dealing with this. And I guess in a sense that's why I want to tell my mum and dad. But at the same time I'm so scared of their reaction. What if they hate me for it? Can they even help at all? I suppose my thinking is for 1) I can't stand wearing long sleeves again this summer and 2) self harm is like my dirty little secret. It's all about control for me, but the more people who know, the less control it's giving me, thus theoretically I should stop doing it as much. As hard as it will be, I *need* to stop doing this, I can't go on like this.

Could do with a few words of encouragement from someone who's been there to be honest.
   
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Re: telling an adult - March 18th 2011, 11:03 PM

Hey there.

I am really glad you've come here for some advice. Telling your parents that you're having problems with self harm can be really difficult and it's completely understandable.

My mum found out from my school and even though I didn't tell her myself I was so scared of her knowing, but I can honestly say that It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Perhaps it was at first but I thought she'd always be talking about it and fussing and she was only really upset at first for a while. However, my mum had had issues with depression and self harm herself which might make the situation a bit different.

Telling your parents is a great step forward. I honestly don't think they will be angry with you and mean it. Understandably their reactions might be different to what you expect so prepare yourself for it. It might be that they become very emotional and cry, they might not say to much because the might struggle to get their heads around it or they may come across as angry. But either way, how ever they react, its only because they care about you and it upsets them that your, their daughter, their own baby is feeling this way enough to hurt herself and that is completely understandable. I am sure the will want to help you.

They can help you by simply supporting you and keeping a general eye on how you are. Of course when you have urges or feel low etc you will now be able to go to the and try to talk to them or ask them to help keep you distracted because now they will know. But they might also be able to help you reach out further to get you support such as counseling to help you deal with the issues which are causing you to feel this way and to help you with your self harm.

If you don't feel you can sit there and physically say it to them you could always try writing them a letter explaining whats going on, how're you feeling and that you started self harm and want their support.

Remember they love you. They care for you and I am sure they will want to be there and support you as much as they can. You can do this, you really can. Stay strong and keep your chin up.

I hope it all goes okay and that you mange to reach out. Remember you don't have to be alone.

Jessie.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: telling an adult - March 18th 2011, 11:25 PM

I told my dad and he was a little surprised but he just encouraged me to stop and it really helped!


Everyone has to date a few jerks so they know when they have found a true gem<3

Ya I know ironic that someone named dark and depressed is helping people
   
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Re: telling an adult - March 19th 2011, 02:45 PM

Telling your parents would be a really great help in stopping. Having them know gives you options that you might not have otherwise. You'll have them around anytime when you need someone to talk to even just as a distraction being able to say hey i'm not really feeling safe by myself wanna hangout is a helpful thing to have. Possibly (if you want) asking them about seeing a therapist could be good. They won't hate you sweetie. You wouldn't hate your future baby if they cut. Your parents might be upset at first but not angry. Lemme know how this goes for you


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Re: telling an adult - March 21st 2011, 12:54 AM

Okay I'm not going to lie, I'm absolutely terrified of this. I just have to keep reminding myself that if it was my child, I wouldn't hate them for it, I'd just want to help in any way possible. I'm actually going away tomorrow for a week so thought it might be a little awkward if I tell them and then just jet off without even allowing them to ask any questions. I'm seeing my sister when I get back and hopefully I'll be able to tell her. Absolutely bricking it though :/
   
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