I think I deserve it

[DOTARD94]

It started when i was 9. i dont know why but I remember giving myself nosebleeds in the shower just to watch the blood drip into the water. After a while it stopped until my dad found out about me having sex. He told me I was a wehore and that I was discusting. The next thing I know is Im bashing my head against a door screaming I want to die and I wish it would all just stop.
The feeling of needing to be punished progressed until finally I cut. I tore one of my shaving razors apart to get the razors inside, then I just sliced slowly and in short even stroked until the was a cm or so deep. I didnt let ti heal for some time, scratching it in the shower to watch the blood flow from my wound to my fingers.
I eventually strarted to progress the pain by carving "BUTTERFLY" into my side, a figure butterfly on my hand and on my hip. I get angry and just pissed at myself for screwing up everything good thats ever happened to me and I feel I deserve it.
I havnt hurt myself in about a month or so and I dont want to, I hate tyhe pain. I just want to stop "deserving" the blood and the scars. I want to be normal.

[Blair]

Sarah...honestly I dunno where to begin except to say it heartbreaking that you feel you could possibly deserve that kindof awful damage. You've gotta realize that you're worth more credit than you probably give yourself. When you do mess up a situation though honey, it's only human, and you should try to make it right instead of trying to punish yourself. You don't deserve that. I doubt you'd ever cut somebody else for messing up. So why yourself? Just something to think about sweetie. And a month is AWESOME! Keep it going!