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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
tamz Offline
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how do I just accept they're a part of me? - May 4th 2011, 02:47 AM

Hey,
So I've been self harm free for pretty much a month now. I still get serious urges, like right now, I really want to SI again But I just have to keep telling myself I CAN do this.... I think...

But then every time I look down at my arm (or my leg), I see these horrible red raised scars that probably won't ever go away, not completely anyway. I know that in order to be truly happy, I need to accept them as a part of me, as a part of my past. How do I even begin to start accepting them? They're horrible I know with my friends who have scars (or even fresh cuts), I just see them as a part of that person - I don't judge them, they're still that same amazing person they have always been. But I feel judged. Every single person I get in a relationship with in future, I'm going to have to explain why the hell I did that, every employer who may comment, to all the people in my work, to all those ignorant people on holiday. I'm never going to be able to forget them. And it's really getting me quite down

I guess I just want some advice on how to start accepting them.
   
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Heretic Offline
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Re: how do I just accept they're a part of me? - May 4th 2011, 08:02 AM

Congratulations on reaching one month. That's really quite an impressive milestone, considering how powerful the urge to self harm can be. I hope that you're proud of yourself for having made it this far.

Like you, I have old scars. Mine are much older than the ones you described. They're about three or four years old, and some are older. I see them every day, because I no longer wear long sleeves indoors (they're mostly on my forearms). When I see the scars, they remind me of the pain I was going through and all of the other emotions that pushed me to hurt myself. But ultimately, they also give me a strong physical reason not to do it again.

You shouldn't be ashamed of your scars. It's been said many times that every scar tells a story, and while this saying is not necessarily directed at scars like ours, it most certainly can be applied as such. When you see your own scars, don't be afraid to recount to yourself the stories about them, and remind yourself firmly (out loud if you think you need to) that you're strong enough to get through your life without falling back into something that hurt you so much, even though it felt good at the time.

Your signature has a marker that keeps track of how long it's been since you last self harmed. I encourage you to keep a real calendar or checklist in your bedroom or somewhere else safe, so that every day at the end of the day, you can see yourself crossing off another day, or putting down a higher number that counts the days since you last did it. It can help to remind you that each day you go without doing it, you're that much stronger and that much farther past it.


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Re: how do I just accept they're a part of me? - May 4th 2011, 08:58 AM

Hey there.

Well done on being self harm free for so long. You sound like you're doing well, and that's great to hear. You're right - can do this. It's amazing how far a positive attitude will get you, so keep it up.

Yes, some scars may not go away, but they don't make you any less beautiful. Think of them as a story, showing what you've been through and how far you've come. If it helps, you could try covering them for a while - I know that even now, I sometimes have to cover up old scars to stop myself becoming triggered or unhappy. You could also try putting some kind of scar reducing treatment on them, like Bio-Oil. It might not make them go away completely, but it could help.

Also, remember that your scars don't define you. They're part of you, yes, but they're not the only part of you, the main part. When people look at you, they're probably noticing your eyes, your smile, your hair - not your scars.

Take care.


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