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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 02:35 AM

Oh, and I just edited this for a trigger warning. Just saying. :/

I wasn't sure what to put this under, as it involves maybe 4 different categories, but whatever. I'll start from the beginning.

So about two months ago I realized I was Bi. I had a boyfriend, an I still liked him, but I started thinking of girls as hot too... I don't know. I tried to ignore it but I can't anymore. I told my BFF and she freaked. She didn't understand and went and told everyone, starting with the school bully and ending with my boyfriend. He seemed okay with it, but it turns out he wasn't.

Anyways, I started getting harassed by everyone, even people I didn't know. Everyone was being complete jerks. Even my former BFF was bullying me. I felt horrible. Then I discovered cutting. It helped block out the pain, helped me get my mind off things. I made sure not to show anybody though. I didn't need to give them anything else to bully me about.

So about a week after I started cutting, which was about a month ago, my boyfriend came over to my house while my parents were away for the night. He wasn't really supposed to be there, but he insisted on coming. We hung out and talked for a bit and then he started kissing me. We'd never gone too far before, but this was the farthest yet. After a little while I tried to stop but he wouldn't stop, so I went with it. Then he started taking off my shirt and my bra. I was afraid but let him anyways. I don't know why. Then suddenly he stopped and grabbed his laptop from his bag. He went onto Omegle, if anyone knows what that is. He turned it on video and pointed the camera at me. I hadn't put my shirt back on yet. I tried to cover myself up but he said if I didn't do what he said he'd break up with me.

I didn't want the only person who had stood by me to leave, so I did everything he told me to do. And I did some pretty nasty things for him. He was just watching and smiling the whole time. Whenever I tried to stop he threatened again to break up with me, so I kept at it. I did what he said for half an hour at least, and then he put the computer away and started taking off his own clothes. I didn't have anything on at the time. He forced me onto the ground and, well, I don't know whether to call it a rape or not, because I didn't fight it at all. Yes, it hurt, and I was scared as hell. He was being totally invasive and not respecting anything I said. But I let him do it.

When he finally stopped, he smiled and thanked me, saying he wasn't going to break up with me. I suppose I was actually glad, even though I can't believe he did that. He did it twice again, and I never once asked him to stop. I cut myself even more and even deeper. It helped, it really did. And then someone saw my cuts. It was out and everyone knew. The bullying got worse. No one stood up for me, the teachers didn't care, and my parents were too busy to do anything about it. I've been considering running away and suicide, but I'm still scared. I need to know what to do...

If anyone has anything to say I'd really like to hear it. Thanks for reading.
   
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 04:02 AM

Wow..for one I'm very very sorry..and for two..break up with him if you havnt..don't stay with him..if he hurts you like that then he's not worth it..even if it's scary to break it off...and also..suicide is not worth it....I've tried..I ended up extremely sick from OD and I passed out and hurt someone who actually cared for me I just didn't relize it at the time...and as for the bi thing..fuck what they say there's nothing wrong with that and..well the cutting..I never did that..I instead abused painkillers and other perscriptipj drugs..but Its only temporary coping..the person who is now my love is what helped because she game me support when No one did..so try to find at least one person to help you..and who can be there...and I really am sorry for what happend to you ..


"Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird fly away
May you never be broken again"
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 04:03 AM

Hey sweetie,

First off let me just say I'm so so sorry you've had to deal with all this. That's a lot to try and cope with in a short amount of time.

Second, your boyfriend. I'd say dump his ass. Because even if you "let him do it", you were telling him to stop and he ignored it. That is rape. It doesn't matter if he's "supported" you through everything - he blackmailed you to get you to do what he wanted and then raped you. That is not right. you need to tell your parents, a counselor, the police, someone. You don't have to face this alone. You shouldn't face this alone. Please, please reach out and ask for help. I know it's difficult, I know it's scary, but it's for the best. You deserve to be happy and not be afraid.

I'm sure it's been tough having the kids at your school bully you because of your sexuality. But here's the thing - there's a chance it's just a phase you're going through. You may go on to high school and the feelings will pass. Even if it doesn't there is nothing wrong with you. Forget them! Some of the kids making fun of you now will likely change in their feelings of sexuality as they get older too - and their bullying will stop. As for your BFF, she doesn't sound as though she was such a great friend to begin with. If she was, she wouldn't have gone around telling people you're Bi and making fun of you for it. She would have been there for you and supported you. I'd say you're better off without her. Again, you deserve better.

It seems(extremely so) that your cutting is directly connected to everything. Seek out help for it sweetie. Self harm doesn't solve anything permenately - believe me, I know - it only eases the pain temporarily. Not to mention how addictive it is.

Please try your best to seek help and support, don't continue to be treated this way. You deserve so much better.

Feel free to add/Private message/visitor message me anytime you need to talk. I'm online a lot and I don't mind.

Keep your chin up, and stay strong! Things will get better!

Best of luck!
Nikki


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 05:55 AM

Hey guys. No, I haven't broken up with him yet, but I guess I should. The police would probably be the best ones to tell as no one else seems to care. I actually told my parents a few hours ago and they brushed it off, saying the kids would stop bullying me eventually, that my boyfriend would come around, and that i would stop feeling the need to cut if I waited long enough. They are NO HELP at all.

Also, there's this new girl in my class, and people have been bugging her cause shes kind of different (has a lisp, reads very advanced and confusing science magazines, wears HUGE glasses), but she seems nice and doesn't judge people. Maybe i should try to be friends with her... Her names Alexis btw.

The teachers haven't been any help up until now,so I don't see why they would be now, but maybe I could try again. It's almost the end of the year though, so they wouldnt be able to help for long.

As for the running away/suicide, I'm not going to try something that stupid. I've been upset and scared, but I know I don't need to do anything that extreme to fix it. I'll tell the school counselor again tomorrow, and go into the police station as well. I'll try to find other things to do instead of cutting as well.

Oh, and I'll break up with my stupid boyfriend :P
   
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 04:05 PM

I know that you don't want to lose that one pillar of support you have, but if that one pillar is as crooked as he is, its not worth it.

I'm sorry your parents are no help. Also, let me just suggest when you go to the police, don't tell your boyfriend you are. And tell the police about him going on Omegle. I guarentee he didn't erase his computer memory traces (and even if he did the police can likely still access it), and if you know the exact date he raped you, you can add some validation by letting them know about him going to Omegle and making you do everything he did (they would likely find a way to pull his computer for evidence). At this point, since you said its been about a month, any physical evidence is lost unless he did it again in the past few days (which I sincerly hope he did not). Even without physical evidence though, I'm sure the police will listen to you.

As for the new girl, I say go for it! It never hurts to at least try and make friends

If the teachers still aren't helping, go to the dean/principle/headmaster (whatever you call it) at your school and tell him/her whats been going on. The couselors at your school are a good option too. (I'm glad you're giving it a shot to talk to them!)

Things will work out, stay strong!

Best of luck! <3
Nikki


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 21st 2011, 11:17 PM

I'm sorry if there are any typos but I'm crying my face off and its making it harder to type. Here goes.

So the first thing I did at school today was talk to Alexis. She was really nice and she deserves being treated way better than she is just because of looks/interests etc. My boyfriend kind of skipped classes until halfway through the day, so I didn't get to talk to him for a while. I told my favorite teacher mostly everything, and she offered to help in any way she could. She pulled my boyfriend aside during class and talked to him for at least 20 mins. I'm not sure what they said but I'm assumign it was to do with what I told her.

After school, I talked to Daniel, my boyfriend, and told him I was breaking up with him. He didn't react much and then when I was done he said That he was the one who decides when its over, not me. His house wasn't too far away so he pulled me there, going in the back so no one would see. His paretns weren't home yet. He took me to his room and locked the door, and he raped me again. This time I was physically trying to stop him, unlike the other times, but he's stronger than me. This one was the worst yet. When he finsihed, he said "Now it's over." and let me leave.

I ran home and told my parents and, I just can't believe them. They acted like it was my fault for not stopping him and my dad actually slapped me. They locked me in my room and I've been in here since. I don't have a land line in my room and I left my cell phone in my bag, which my parents took, so I had no way to call anyone for help. Found a pair of scissors and my arms are covered in cuts now. Thinking of going further. I have a rope in my room, a hook on my roof, and a chair just the right height. I need a reason not to end it.

(Oh, and Intoxicated, he did rape me within the last week. That was one of the two other times , and he got me to do things on Omegle. I doubt he deleted it from history. He's not the smartest)
   
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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 22nd 2011, 12:11 AM

If he's posting sexual videos online then that's child porn which is a federal offense and could land him in prison for a long time. I would tell the teacher again about what's going on. She seems to be caring and that's what you need right now.


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Re: I need help for a couple problems... - June 22nd 2011, 12:41 AM

Please please don't end it. If you go to the police he will get what he deserves and you will get the justice you deserve.

I can't really say anything to make it all better, but I wish I could. If you can't go to the police anytime soon, do go back to that teacher and tell her what happened, with your parents and everything.

When you go to the police, they may send you to the hospital to get some tests run, one to check for physical evidence and two to make sure everything is ok with you (like to check that the sick bastard didn't give you an STD or anything)

I am beyond understanding how the hell your parents could treat you like that. I just can't understand it.

The minute you get the chance, go to the police, to the hospital, or to that teacher. Please.


♪♫"The mirror only shows
The shell of what's below
You can't go on suffering
The illusion of control
It's time for letting go
You can't go on suffering
And now you know
Now you know"♪♫
'Now You Know' - 2Cents
Things get better.
Always keep fighting.
❤Feel free to PM/VM, or add me if you ever need a friend, or someone to talk to. I'm online quite often.
Add me on FB <--- apparently this is my creeper face.
   
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