Almost Relapsed?

[darkxdreamer13]

Hi, wow, it's been forever since I've posted anything on here. I don't really think there's a point to this, I'm probably just going to rant/complain, so consider yourself warned. :P

I haven't self harmed in months now, and even within the past year if I did it, it was like once a month or barely anything. So that's good. But anyways.

I'm obsessed with losing weight and I run now and I talk to a lot of different people and I had a great summer. I have quite a bit more self confidence, well, at least I try to make it seem like I do. I've had a lot of time to think and learn about myself and I'm trying to accept who I am lately, and it's very hard for me to do so.
But today I realized how I'm still the same weak person and that I still do, and always will, hate myself. I know I will never change the way I feel, I can't.
I wanted to so badly today. I didn't though, because well, I fell asleep. I still want to. I feel like such a fake and so alone and I hate myself and I feel like none of my friends really give a shit and I don't blame them, I'm a whiny person full of self-pity. I'm not really sure what to do.

I'm just afraid of going back to my old ways, but I feel so alone. Ugh, well. Thanks for your time I suppose.

[Haylee.]

I know how you feel hun. And just know, you are beautiful and special. you deserve to be loved!

[Madeleine.Claire]

It can definitely be hard at times to remember why you stopped, or why you want to be done with it, but you are definitely worth something.

There's nothing wrong with feeling like you want to go back to it at times, trust me that's totally normal. Just remember how long you've gone without it because that shows how strong you are.

One day you'll have more self confidence I'm sure, you won't be like this forever. It's just a matter of finding things to love about yourself every day.
I do something every morning and every night. In the morning, right as I wake up, I look in the mirror and have to find five things that I like about my physical appearance. At night I do another five. Sometimes they're a couple of the same things, either way it helps. (:
Good luck
<3