My friend is going to tell my parents! Help!

[WildHeart]

So my friend found out about my Self Harm. She was really supportive at first, then she started acting funny around me. When I asked her what was wrong she said "If you don't stop cutting I will tell your parents" It wasn't even an answer! She just blurted it out of nowhere! What should I do?! I want to tell my parents in my own time, and am currently plotting out ideas of how to do that. I feel really betrayed by her, at first she promised not to tell anyone when she found out, then I just found out she told one of my other friends! How can I convince her not to tell My parents?!

[Le bonheur*]

Tell her you will tell your parents first and then come up with a way to sit them down and explain to them why you are self-harming and when it started, etc. If you calmly explain to your friend that you need to do this on your own, maybe she'll listen. She shouldn't be telling your other friends, though.

[WildHeart]

Yeah, I told my friend how I felt about her telling other people, and she said she wouldn't do it again, but I don't think I really trust her any more. And I really DON'T want to tell my parents, but my cutting is getting out of control, so I kinda feel like I need to...

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by WildHeart

And I really DON'T want to tell my parents, but my cutting is getting out of control, so I kinda feel like I need to...

I know it's hard to tell your parents. It took me almost 5 years to admit to my parents and myself that my cutting was getting out of control. But the sooner you tell them, the better. So you can get the help and support that you deserve. Want and need are two different things. Sometimes, you just have to go with the need to help yourself rather than the want.. I hope that made sense. xx

Feel free to PM me if you need anymore advice or anything. xx

[WildHeart]

How did you tell your parents Brittany? And I think needs are much greater than wants in this situation...

[Dr.Bobby]

Suz, self harm might seem 'normal' for you, but your friends reaction indicates that for most people self harm is most assuredly not 'Normal'. They experience it as really dangerous and it's shocking to them to know someone they care about does something so obviously harmful and potentially self destructive. So, with that all in mind, it's hopefully easier to appreciate what she said and why. It's not a threat or ultimatum or a betrayal, it's really a reality check. You've made something that goes against basic self preservation a thing that's 'Normal', and it's lost it's impact. But not on your friend. That should tell you something about you, not her!

I'd let her know you appreciate not only her concern and helpfulness, but also the seriousness of your actions, and that you intend to address the self harm, that you're aware you need to stop. If you provide some awareness of the seriousness as well as some reassurance you've got some plan to stop, she'll back down. If not, maybe it's the incentive you need. But, don't get caught up in a distraction about her 'betraying' you, that's not what's going on when friends talk about letting adults know.

With regard to how to tell your folks, I'd let them know in advance that you need some time set aside to talk about something serious, so that it sets the stage for them to really be on alert and responsive to you, that you need their complete attention. Then, just tell them about how you've been feeling inside and how you've responded to that, and show them.

I have never, ever sat with a family who has not taken that seriously and responded with concern and commitment to working on a solution. What you're going thru now in secret is far more stressful than either telling, or working on the resolution!

Go!

[WildHeart]

Thanks Dr. Bobby! That really was good advice!

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by WildHeart

How did you tell your parents Brittany? And I think needs are much greater than wants in this situation...

My situation was a bit different. They found out through my friend but after they found out, I sat them down and explained to them why I cut myself and what happened to make me do such thing. It was hard but I needed to do it so they'd understand, so I did.

I'm glad you realize that needs are much greater than wants. <3

I wish you luck!

[WildHeart]

Oh, well thanks every one!

[ItalianBbae]

my parents found out because my best friend told them. at first you want to feel betrayed, but you cant look at it like that. even though i asked her not to tell them, i couldnt hate her. she did it because she was worried about me and didnt want to see anything happen to me. however, in my case, i wasnt planning on telling my parents. since you are, you should talk to you friend and explain that. maybe you two can come to a time agreement, like you promise to tell them by a certain date and if you dont then your friend can tell them. im sure your friend just didnt know how to handle this information and thats why they told someone else. you must admit this is a huge burden to place on one person....theyre gonna need theyre own support