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How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 09:40 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Simple enough question - though I understand it may be triggering to some. Basically, for those of you who haven't cut in a while - how do you feel when you look back at those scars?

If you'd like to answer.... those of you who have more recent cuts, how do you feel afterwards?

For me, I used to feel let down that it hadn't helped - that all that effort made me feel no better afterwards. Now that they're healed and just scars, I feel kinda ugly, but on good days I consider them an acheivement - because they're scars, not new cuts, and they're healed, and that's something to be proud of, right?
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 11:24 AM

When I look at my [permanently] damaged wrist and arm, I look back on what I was feeling and I see how far I've come since cutting. I haven't had a new scar in almost a month and it makes me feel really proud. Sometimes, I feel regret because, like I said, my arm/wrist is permanently damaged. So it's kinda sucky. But all in all, I do think about how far I've come and how proud I am of myself for making it.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 12:06 PM

When I look at the new cuts i feel disappointed in myself for letting it happen. But when i look at the old scars it reminds me of what i have been through and the road to recovery and sometimes makes me feel somewhat proud of myself for making it through. Although i sometimes regret what i have done as my hips and arms are damaged now but it has made me the person i am today.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 01:10 PM

When I look at old scars I feel like they are part of me and they don't bother me.
More recent ones, well they are not in visible places, but when I see them I remember why they happened and just accept them. It's part of my past.
Recent cuts, well they weren't deep and on the palm of my hand so they don't notice. But I feel nothing towards them, but when I look at them I see how much people care about me because I have people who love me and understand why.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 02:00 PM

I have scars everywhere, so its not easy to avoid them. Obviously my arms are the main ones I see, and unfortunately they are mostly the worst. On my left arm, they've faded pretty well. Haven't cut on that arm in a year. They're still visible though, I think they always will be. Big white thick patches everywhere. The scar running down my wrist that almost killed me. I think looking at that makes me feel more. Yeah fair enough the others were deep cuts, but they were me trying to hold on to something. This scar showed how desperate I was for escape. It makes me embarrassed when other people can see it, everyone can tell why it's there... Sometimes I wish they weren't there but I don't really like it when they start to fade.
My right arm has the most recent scars. From may or something. Yet again they just remind me of how seriously low I was.
On my stomach and legs its just annoying. Completely covered. Feel sick sometimes looking at them. So angry, so deep, so painful.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 02:19 PM

I don't mind the barely noticeable marks on my arm ~ you'd kinda have to know what you were looking for to see them. But the oens on my thighs make me feel slightly irritated that they won't go away.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 02:55 PM

i don't have any permanent scars..it's weird tho because when the cuts just go away and nothing is left i feel like i need something there to remind me that like I'm in control of certain things...i like looking at them but i keep them covered incase anyone else saw them. They make me feel like i accomplished something in a way that was so easy to do. They hurt for a little while though but then just fade Completely. It's a weird feeling to have even when you don't do it all the timee.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 04:38 PM

Well, I kind of feel scared because I haven't told any adult (yet) that I cut and I'm always scared that the scars will be noticeable and then I'll be caught. I am planning on telling someone, but I'm not ready to just yet. I have my own plan and my worst fear is having someone see and then blow that plan. But besides that, I haven't reached the point where I'm insecure about my scars or anything. I'm sure I will once I stop SHing, but for the moment I look at them and am okay about them.


   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 06:38 PM

When I look at the scars on my wrist I find I hate them because I can't let them fade, I'm attached to them somehow. When I get done cutting and look at fresh cuts I'm always amazed that I'm doing it. It's crazy, but I usually feel blank afterward, like nothing can bother me. I feel better but I feel bad that I have to go that far to deal with my emotions.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 07:46 PM

I have some scars on my arms, and when I see them, I'm afraid other people can tell why they're there. I don't think they can, since there aren't many scars on my arms (not enough to make it obvious). Still, whenever I wear short sleeves, I get really self-conscious. I have more scars on my stomach, hips, and upper thighs. Some days I hate them and want them all gone, but some days I like them. They almost make me feel special in a totally screwed up way. I'd freak if anyone saw them, though, since they're really obvious.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 17th 2011, 08:25 PM

For me, they remind me of how far i've come since then, and how i've learned to cope with things in a much healthier way. I'm glad that I never let it get too far. Most of them have faded so you'd have to really know what you're looking for.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 18th 2011, 03:02 AM

On a good day: Empowered, alive, a survivor of myself, like maybe I can make a difference.
On a bad day: Ashamed, embarrassed, a failure, a hypocrite, a liar.

I have no regrets, but my feelings change often. I guess I remembered what most of them were from. So the most prominent one on my arm.. I always remember my ex that is no longer alive, and I guess it depends on my mood. Some days I'll feel lucky that I'm here, some days I realize how much I've missed her these past 5 years.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 18th 2011, 04:16 AM

I actually feel quite annoyed when I see my arms.
I'm annoyed because had I known scars hardly fade, I wouldn't have done it.
I'm annoyed I let it happen.

But that's it.
Before, I used to feel triggered by my own scars. Don't know why. But I was.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 18th 2011, 04:19 AM

It depends on the reasons I had behind them. I hate the scars on my arms/wrists. I have some terrible scars on my legs where I craved "YOU HATE ME!" a few months ago, but I kinda like that, as twisted as it sounds. It proves that I can survive with only a few scars when I felt the worst pain I ever have. I recently cut on my calf, and the four or five cuts are driving me insane. I hate them. I really wish I didn't do it, and I really didn't need to cut. I just wanted to. >_<
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 19th 2011, 12:08 AM

A few years on.... most of the time I don't really notice them. Occasionally I have to explain them to a new partner or something (my worst scars are on my thighs) but I tend to forget that they're there most of the time. There is a scarred design on my right leg though that I'm getting covered up with a tattoo next week - it's the only one that really frustrates me still.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 19th 2011, 12:35 AM

well when i look at my old scars it makes me feel bad that i ruined my arm bc of people that saw ur such a beautiful girl n shouldnt do that. but people dont understand wat ive been through n wat goes on in my head constantly. but when i make new cuts when im upset at something it turns everything around that was upset to ok....idk how to explain it. thats how it is to me.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 19th 2011, 01:46 AM

New cuts give me panic attacks when I look at them >.>
Old ones are only really visible to me, since I know where they are. I don't really feel anything though. I'm kind of used to them.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 19th 2011, 01:46 AM

New cuts give me panic attacks when I look at them >.>
Old ones are only really visible to me, since I know where they are. I don't really feel anything though. I'm kind of used to them.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 21st 2011, 12:03 AM

it depends on my mood when i look at them. sometimes i feel ashamed and embarrassed because i can't just wear tshirts and walk around without wondering who knows and who doesnt. other times i see them and it makes me miss those days. other times im happy that some will be there forever, so that ill always have my "safety net" with me and i get upset that others are fading. i have really mixed emotions about the whole thing, but to honest i think that part of my struggle to recovery is being able to look down at my arm and see the scars and miss those days.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 21st 2011, 02:34 AM

When I look at my scars I fee the pain I felt when I did them. But I aso feel relieved that I did it because its ike I got my anger or sadness out.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 21st 2011, 05:16 PM

i feel disappointed in myself and for not being able to handle the situation with a healthier reaction.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 24th 2011, 09:56 PM

Sometimes, it just makes me feel mad. I look at my arm and I just wanna scream. Because, the scars will never go away. I don't regret them. At all. It just reminds me of what made me cut.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 24th 2011, 10:53 PM

For the most part they don't bother me anymore but sometimes when I am already in a bad mood and I look at them and cry. It reminds me of the reason why I did it. I really miss my friend. i still can't believe she is gone.
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 27th 2011, 12:48 AM

i feel awful cuz there's this person i tell all my bizniz and wen she sees them she feels all bad so i feel bad for making her feel bad and sumtimes when i c them i wonder y i did it.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 27th 2011, 12:52 AM

depends on which cutting area im looking at.

My right leg is just cuts that reallt have no meaning so im pretty indifferent to them. I dont cut there anymore.

My right arm, the only arm i cut on, is fading..I actually liked the cuts there. But i need to stop cutting there so people dont get suspicious about long-sleeves anymore than they are now, so i have scar cream and there going away. But i miss them.

My left leg, is someone's name and a ton of cuts around it. that leg is dedicated to them, because i stopped on my right leg and arm, it's now the only place i cut. His name and all the cuts are all for him, but they're never enough.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 27th 2011, 01:29 AM

I feel ashamed that I would actually do something like that to myself. Every time I see them it's a painful reminder of what I did.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 12:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eremophobia View Post

If you'd like to answer.... those of you who have more recent cuts, how do you feel afterwards?
After I cut I kind of feel happy? I'm not sure if that's weird, but cutting always makes me feel better emotionally. Then, the next day, I really regret it because I have some ugly scars that are going to last a while.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 03:00 AM

I personally think my scars tell a story of what I've been through. That being said, I get a little embarrassed when someone points them out or asks what they're from or anything. Recently I donated blood and the woman asked what arm I wanted to use. I said my right arm and she said okay, but then she had to check for open wounds so she had to look at both arms. When she saw my left arm she just nodded once and said "Right arm it is then." and rubbed her finger over one of my scars. I was really embarrassed but I think she was very considerate and understanding.

When people see new cuts, I try to hide them and get angry at myself. When I look at them I feel disappointed. I know I'm better than that but for some reason I just can't stop. Addiction is a pain.




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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 04:12 AM

I don't really feel anything. Sometimes I feel embarrassed, but it depends who I'm around. They're a part of me, just like anything else. Honestly, I'd rather have them than not have them.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 05:16 AM

I don't feel anything most of the time. They have really faded, unless my arm is at a certain angle against the sun, or you know what you are looking for. I forget about them a lot, but they never make me ashamed or mad, just trigger me or made me proud that I won that battle.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 06:04 AM

i don't know there is something with me that has always made me like scars on everyone.

they tell our storys.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 07:12 AM

With me I have mixed feelings on my scars, I'm ashamed but at the same time I know what they mean, why they're there, and there scars, not cuts for a reason. As for cuts well when it's happening and right after it feels amazing, like the pain is good and helps push out emotional distress, but after an hour or two I feel so ashamed that I sunk that low and that I'm having so much trouble beating this addiction. And cutting literally is an addiction.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 28th 2011, 01:59 PM

I alternate. See my scars are the never going to go away scars, I have not done anything substantial in about 3yrs, so they are preeeettty faded, but still raised and so extremely apparent. They're on my thighs though so no one else sees them. Anyway, on good days I feel proud of what I've overcome and achieved. On bad days I feel disenchanted, and thing 'well they're never going to go away, so why did you even stop SHing? My as well keep going with it'.

I have more good than bad though.


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - September 29th 2011, 06:18 AM

Well. I am not exactly sure how I feel about them. I don't like other people seeing them, though. I know that. It makes me feel like they are going to judge me for the wrong reasons and if they are seeing them they might think that I am trying to seek attention. So I always try to hide them. Wearing socks all the time is really annoying though, so I've begun to venture into public with flip-flops. It's been stressful but okay.

As for just myself, I have a sort of pride over them if you could say that? While I resent them, I don't ever want them to go away. It's like a love/hate relationship. I love that they are there because they represent times when I couldn't cope and it reminds me to try and be stronger than that, also I secretly like them. =/ But then I hate them because I just wish that I didn't have to hide them and I think they are ugly and a couple of them are words and I really just wish I could erase them.

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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 1st 2011, 12:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Epoh View Post
As for just myself, I have a sort of pride over them if you could say that? While I resent them, I don't ever want them to go away. It's like a love/hate relationship.
I know what you mean. As much as I hate them, they're important to me. Almost like an anchor. Looking at them sometimes gives me a sense of relief (kinda like I get from cutting, but not as strong.) Idk if that makes any sense.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 1st 2011, 09:15 PM

i havent cut in over a year, and now when i look at the scars im the ony one who knows they are there. im the only one who know the reason why i grabbed the blade. and i remember back when i did half of them was to show them show that person what they did to me but they will never know. i regret it now yes becasue now when i were any type of clothing ppl see and it makes me ashamed that it ever happened. i dont want to explain to them and i dont want they to see. its a choice i have to live with for the rest of my life and i wish i never grabbed that safty pin 6 years ago i wish someone would of stopped me before now. but that isnt going to happen i have lived, loved, hurt, and learned i dont regret the lessons i was taught but i regreat the lesson i have to show the world.


hav u ever wanted 2 die or cry or scream up the sky n ask god y y me y now y u feel so numb inside y ur sinkin deeper ever wanted sum1 2 care hug u with u noin thier there needed sum1 2 tell u a lie so u can belive its true jus 4 a min or show u the beauty in the sky hav u ever ben the 1 2 try
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 1st 2011, 09:30 PM

When I see my scars, I feel disgusting. When I relapse and cut again, I feel shame. But, at the same time, I like them. o_O


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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 1st 2011, 10:28 PM

I feel like i let my self get carried away. And that there is no way to stop i have new ones almost every week and im ashamed of them i wish i didnt but i do and its getting hard to stop and calm down before i cut.
   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 1st 2011, 10:43 PM

Now my parents know. I feel awkward when I'm around them and I see them, but I'm fine when other people see them, it's weird.


   
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Re: How do you feel when you see your scars? - October 2nd 2011, 12:39 AM

I kind of hate them because they will always be there, and kind of love them because they remind me that if I do it again I'll have more that won't fade.


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