Telling people, and teachers. =/

[Dez]

Okay, I shouldn't be on here right now. I'm supposed to be off the phone or Internet until I can be trusted.

I told my counselor that I SH. Parents were called as well as some other team that deals with people, don't ask me their name because I don't remember. I had to meet with the head of guidance and the psychologist as well. I'm glad that I told but my parents flipped and pretty much keep asking me questions and talking to me about it and I just want them to shut up. I also failed a math quiz today and they're telling me not to stress but that's what I stress about. My mom's gonna check my entire body daily now, too. No more cutting or I get put into a psychiatric place for 72 hours. They got mad at me for telling the counselor too and think they're gonna be on my ass all year. Only people I want to get rid of are the two people that came in to talk to my parents. I never want to see them again. =/ Bad side of the day besides math class was that from second period to lunch I was in guidance so I missed all of those classes, then I got in the period after lunch, then I got called back down to guidance, I got in about five minutes of English class, then I got called BACK down to guidance where I was until five minutes before the end of the day bell rang. I missed health with one of my favourite teachers because of them. I should never have said anything. I was so stupid. I would have been better just cutting than dealing with this shit. My dad said that I'm gonna have to ask him to get my stuff back, or my mom, because it's when I think I've earned their trust back. I'm not even gonna say a word. Let them decide. =/

Good thing: I have teachers as a support system. Besides the counselors and psychologist, my science teacher, who knows that I was in guidance all day just not the reason, wished me good luck. I don't know why, but even that meant a lot to me. My English teacher kinda sympathized with me as well, and then my health teacher said she missed me today. Like the counselor who was helping me was teaching a lesson in health so I didn't miss anything, so my teacher didn't walk in until I was leaving. I had just finished telling my counselor how meeting with my parents went so I was pretty much in tears again and she said that she's there for me if I ever want to talk and that animal behavior club (it's a club run Wednesdays during last period) people stick together. You don't even know how much that meant to me. I almost cried. She's one of my favourite teachers and I was afraid she hated me or something, but now I know she is there for me. I only see her on Mondays and Tuesdays and I was so stressed, and I kinda want to tell her how much it meant to me for her to say that, even though it's not really a HUGE gesture or anything, but I'd probably start crying again. =/ Should I tell her at some point or no?

I've also made the decision that I won't try to hide the cuts. Like I have bracelets I can wear, but they don't hide the cuts, so I may just wear those on some days. I don't really care if my teachers or classmates know.

[Misslostintears]

Dezy-chan I know what ur going through I wish I coud go over there and hug you. Your such a goody girl. It must devistate ur parents but it just ur problems. They hurt you a lot. Look at the bright side. You found who you can realy trust and you won't be sent to military schoo. It could be way worser and u know that. Just ook at me. I'm dying to have a cut but if I do I'll be sent to military school. U did the right thing dezy I know you did and your parents are ****ing strct. You know I'm her and well when ever u want to get away just tell me and ill go "kidnap" you.

[Dez]

Okay, sneaking on for a sec. Can you do me a favour? Ask P--ge after school if she knows why I'm grounded and if she doesn't know tell her?