Why stop SHing now?

[SM13]

Hey y'all thanks for reading. I really hope I can find some help. So here's a little background about me that should help. Ive struggled with pulling my hair out since third grade but stopped then picked it back up again in 8th grade. I've had a cutting problem for a year now. Back in April my bf(who was also by best friend) said that if I didn't stop cutting and pulling my hair out then he would leave me because he said if I loved him I'd stop and if I didn't stop it meant I loved hurting myself more than I loved him. So I forced myself to stop. About three months ago in September he broke up with me (we had been going out for almost a year. He was my first bf and I really love him) and so I started tge distructive behaviors again. Now I feel like there's no reason to stop. I've gone down hill so much since then and now have a psychologist but I still feel like I have no good reason or motivation to stop. Also I know that a lot of people struggle with cutting but I feel like tge hair pulling thing is weird and nobody does that. I've been so depressed and think about killing myself but know that I don't have the guts to do it. I wish I could be in some accident. I dont think this is normal and all of it worries me. All in all I feel like a freak and have no idea what to do. Is there anybody who can help?

[αγάπη]

First of all, I think what your boyfriend (at the time) said about you lovin yourself more than him, is bullshit. I think that was his way of trying to guilt you into stopping, but that wasn't the right approach.

You need to tell someone that you really trust about what is happening. Maybe talk to a school counselor? We are most definitly not professionals here, and that is who you really want to go to for help. I really don't think you want to kill yourself, I think you are just very hurt because of what your Ex did, and everything else. Please, try to talk to someone about these problems though, ok?

Also, the hair pulling thing, it's not weird to me. I do something similar, but its not something I like to talk about in front of everyone. If you want to talk about it, or anything for that matter, please PM me.

<3 and Hang in there.

[SM13]

Does anybody else have any help? It would be much appreciated.

[Palmolive]

Hi there.

I'm sorry that things have been rough for you. I have to be honest and tell you that I think if you're ever going to stop self harming, you are going to have to want to stop and have the determination to do so.

My first suggestion is that you make a list of reasons to stop self harming. For example:

• I don't want the scars
• I don't want to put my health at risk (infections etc)
• I don't want to hurt the people who love me
• I deserve better
• Buying things to hurt myself with is a waste of money
• It doesn't solve anything in reality
• I am strong enough not to need to hurt myself
• I don't want to have to wear long sleeves etc
• What I am going through isn't nice but it is understandable I feel this way and won't last forever
• I don't deserve the pain I am inflicting upon myself
  

Now, they're just a few of my own ideas, you might not a agree with some and that's fine. You can take some of these or just make a list of your own. then maybe get a bigger piece of card and make it in to a bit of a poster. Make it look good and attractive and every time you feel an urge, go to it and remind yourself of the many reasons why you shouldn't hurt yourself.

Self harm is not going to stop the underlying problem. You can sit in your room all day hurting you but you and me both know that by tomorrow, the chances are the urges are going to come back again. Therefor, self harming is a little pointless because it's not going to solve anything in the long run but could potentially make it a lot worse. No, distractions won't help the underlying problem either, but they can help you in the moment of the urges so try using them when you're feeling bad.

Do you know what is is that makes you want to self harm? Have you thought about talking to someone and getting help for the issues surrounding it to try and help you learn to cope with how you're feeling in a healthy way.

I know sometimes its hard to beat the urges, but you're in control of your actions. Recovery is possible! The only person who can stop you is you and you're honestly worth it. Things can get better for you.

Stay safe,
Jessie