Triggering: Sh and Sui :Help

[Adelaide]

Hi. I'm Addy. Tonight I need some help. I've been SHing for 5 years. Including scratching, cutting, burning, and starving myself. I started when my grandfather committed suicide when I was 11. Shortly after, my friend killed herself. After that, my mom got super sick. I've seen her so close to death so many times. Then my other grandpa died and my grandma got terminal cancer. My parents found out about my cutting a while ago and flipped. My friends know. I'm going to a counselor. Ive tried to kill myself twice. I dont know who ive become. Its not me. I'm at just barely a week without cutting. Though I've still SHed in other ways. But all I want to do is cut ! Help.

[Viky]

Originally Posted by Adelaide

Hi. I'm Addy. Tonight I need some help. I've been SHing for 5 years. Including scratching, cutting, burning, and starving myself. I started when my grandfather committed suicide when I was 11. Shortly after, my friend killed herself. After that, my mom got super sick. I've seen her so close to death so many times. Then my other grandpa died and my grandma got terminal cancer. My parents found out about my cutting a while ago and flipped. My friends know. I'm going to a counselor. Ive tried to kill myself twice. I dont know who ive become. Its not me. I'm at just barely a week without cutting. Though I've still SHed in other ways. But all I want to do is cut ! Help.

Well welcome to TH (teenhelp) Addy. I hope I or someone else can help you. I've been SHing for quite a while as well in various ways. I've found a temporary fix can be just bussying your hands. Playdoh, clay, an art project, writing or anything like that can help take your mind off of wanting to cut. Does the counselor help at all or do you not yet know? And is there anything else behind the reason you SH? Besides what you've told me from the rest of the message that is.

[Adelaide]

Yah, the counselor doesn't really help as far as SH goes. I SH to be in control. And because I am really introverted, and am not able to express my emotions. And so I can bleed out my troubles, and because I am a failing perfectionist. And when I was younger I was abused.

[Viky]

Have you tried writing your emotions out and using that or maybe even art to express the way you feel? Maybe it's just that i love writing and art both that they help me but i figure it's worth a try for anyone if it may be a big help or even a small one. Something is better than nothing. It sounds like the bleeding is more of a coming comfort than just cutting in its own but have you tried a rubber band, a red pen, or an ice cube? The pen and ice cube may sound like they wouldn't help but surprisingly they both do for me at least quite a bit which were tricks i learned here.

[Adelaide]

Writing and art help to some degree. But sometimes nothing is enough. As far as rubber bands or red pens, my mom would totally flip if she saw pen marks or welts from a rubber band. It helps me most to talk to people. But they arent always there. :/

[Viky]

Well i can be there for you, if you would like, anytime I can be. I wouldn't mind at all I would be glad to help and happy if I could

[Adelaide]

Thank you. Right now I'm just a bit ticked at my mom. She just doesn't ever seem to even try to understand me. I'm at a week & a day without cutting. Which I know isn't much. The longest I've ever made it was 27 days.

[Childish Giggle]

Originally Posted by Adelaide

Yah, the counselor doesn't really help as far as SH goes.

Hey there,
firstly, you need to find a counselor that can help you with SH. It may involve going through a number of counselors to find one who works for you.
Congratulations for a week and a day without cutting. It is A LOT. A very big achievement. Be proud of it! And keep going. I know that you are going through a hard time. Have you talked to your counselor about the abuse that you have gone through?
As for writing, I have also found that it doesn't work for me. I prefer telling people too. And sometimes go through the same problem of finding everyone unavailable. But feel free to PM/VM (Private Message/Visitor Message) me anytime you want. I'd be happy to listen to you.
Self Harm is very addicting and to fight it more, check out this thread of alternatives. Every alternative may not work for you and you will have to go through trial and error to find the right one for you-
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/
Try and look forward to the little things in life that make you smile. Like a rainbow maybe. A cup of hot coffee in cold winters that make you feel warm inside. These are little things but I have found that they help us go on.
I hope things get better for you very soon. Stay strong <3

[Adelaide]

Thank you. I checked out that list a few days ago and there are a few things on it that really help. I have not talked with my counselor about the other situation because I am not ready yet. Someday I will be. But I am just not there yet.

Another thing: what should I do about scars? Some of mine I know will last forever. I've looked at the sticky-thread on that. I don't really feel like I need to hide them, because all the visible ones are old. I like wearing short sleeves and don't feel like I should hide a part of me. But I don't want people to judge me wrongly for them. Because a lot of people don't understand self-injury. But my mother says that my scars are shameful. Are they? I just don't know.

[Childish Giggle]

Originally Posted by Adelaide

. I don't really feel like I need to hide them, because all the visible ones are old. I like wearing short sleeves and don't feel like I should hide a part of me. But I don't want people to judge me wrongly for them. Because a lot of people don't understand self-injury. But my mother says that my scars are shameful. Are they? I just don't know.

Hey again. I don't think scars are shameful at all. That is one way of looking at them. Another way is that you went through a hard time, ended up cutting but you have fought it now. They show how strong you are.
I am glad that you said that you don't feel like hiding a part of you. Thats the way to go if you ask me! As for people judging you for it, they definitely will. Many people will see you as a freak and all. But the ones who really matter, who really care about you, who understand, they won't see you like that. They will see you for who you are. I say this from experience. Many of my friends know about my cutting and the scars. And they have never once given me a reaction that made me feel shameful about it. They have always been there for me and helped me stay strong. So I think the reaction of the people depends on how much you matter to them. Now you have to choose, whether you want to hide them or let everyone see. Whether the comments of others who don't know you matter to you or not.

[Adelaide]

Thank you. That's what I thought. It's so reassuring to know someone else thinks that too.

[Childish Giggle]

I am glad I could be of help! Feel free to PM/VM me if you need someone to talk to!