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Name: Lizzie
Gender: Female

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Join Date: June 16th 2010

Exclamation No Other Options - March 8th 2012, 05:39 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi. So, it's been a while since I've been on here. I'm not quite sure why I quit coming on here... maybe I thought I had things under control. Either way, I haven't felt like this is the longest time and I need some sort of advice, or just to know that someone will listen.
This past weekend has probably been the best weekend I've had in a while. I got out and hung out with my friends and was talking to this one guy in particular. Now things aren't so great.
I'll start with the guy, of course. I was talking to him almost constantly this past weekend. He was always starting the conversations. He even called me out of everyone he knows to ask me to pray for him because a tornado was about to hit where he was. We were flirting and getting along really well and not having any troubles trying to think of what to talk about. It was great. I've usually tried to keep my heart closed off to others to avoid getting my hopes up and getting hurt. But now that he won't talk to me at all or reply to me, I'm kinda hurt and pissed off at myself. I'm so angry that I let myself be happy and excited that someone liked me, for me. Now all I can think was, I knew it was too good to be true, I must be some cliche' crazy teenage girl, here I am wasting my time hurt because of a guy, etc. I haven't been this disappointed in a while, like, I don't even know why I try anymore.
Another thing would be that none of my friends want to hear about it, at all. I mention that I'm in a bad mood and they all start complaining. I don't have anyone I can talk to.
Last night I just cried it out and then went to sleep. But tonight is different. It feels like I used to feel. The feeling that caused me to start cutting myself. I can't cry. As much as I want to, I can not cry. I'm like, sitting here rocking back and forth with my music as loud as it can be. I've begun like, scratching at my legs and arms and you can see where I dug my nails in. I'm trying SO incredibly hard to not walk across my floor and grab my knife to cut myself. That's like, all I want to do right now. I feel like I need it. I don't know what else to do to satisfy this need. Someone please help. I don't want to start this again. I can't start this again.
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Re: No Other Options - March 9th 2012, 10:46 AM

Hey Lizzie

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. You're a lovely person and you deserve much better than this. I can understand how you feel about not being able to cry, I've been in the same situation loads of times.

I hope that you've been using the alternatives? Every alternative may not work. But one of them will surely work for you. Take your time finding out that one and don't be disheartened when something doesn't work.
You might want to try the Snowflake Relief Project.

Its great that you're trying not to start cutting again. I am proud of you for this. Just remember that no matter how bad things are right now, they will get better. Just hang on till then. Even if it doesn't seem like they won't get any better ever. Because they will and one day you will believe in this.

If you're friends are not understanding this, maybe you could try talking to someone in your family? Like your parents or a sibling. Its usually difficult for people who have not been in your shoes to understand this stuff. But having someone who'll listen to you can be really nice. Maybe you can write a letter explaining your feelings and how you want them to respond and support you. Have you tried talking to your school counselor about all this? They usually reply satisfactorily in situations like these.

If you need someone to talk to, I am always here.
Stay strong <3

"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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