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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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soultosave Offline
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Question Should I leave? - March 29th 2012, 02:59 AM

So. I've been self-harming for over 5 years, and it's become apparent that unless these new anti-depressants I'm starting to take work, I won't be stopping anytime soon. However, for the last year, my girlfriend has been tremendously affected by my compulsions, so much that when I began contemplating suicide, she started hurting herself, as a way to deal.

She keeps begging me to stop, and a large part of me wants to, solely because of her. I want to stop hurting her because, well, she means so much to me and I love her. But it's SO hard to stop! She doesn't fully understand that it's not something you can just quit cold turkey only because someone asks you to. I fear she won't be able to take it anymore if I continue and I fear I'm burdening her and fucking up her life by continually doing this while being with her.

The question on my mind is, would it be better to leave this relationship, in order to give her a chance to be happy without me? She disagrees, saying it would be worse without me because she'd still be worried. I just feel like I'm damaging her more by staying with her...what should I do?
   
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Re: Should I leave? - March 29th 2012, 08:02 AM

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear this. :C I really want to urge you to find some sort of outlet, but your girlfriend shouldn't hurt herself over this. It's hard when you love someone so much and you have to see them hurt as well, but as they say 'You can't fight fire with fire.'

And I would flat out tell her that, in my own opinion promises make cutting and other problems even more of a taboo insecurity. They make you feel more ashamed of yourself and narrows down the people you can actually tell about it. You need to sit her down and talk to her about it. Make sure she knows it isn't your fault and you're trying your hardest; but it's hurting the both of you and putting strain on your relationship when you're both in pain. It's a vicious cycle.

The problem with leaving is that it could make the both of your problems worse. The fact that you mentioned she makes you want to stop, she gives you hope should be enough to hold onto. She is what is holding you back because you love her so much. I wish I could be of more help! >w< I really wish you luck and please know that you're loved, no matter what!


"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor."
   
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Re: Should I leave? - March 29th 2012, 11:03 PM

Mmhm, you're absolutely right. But it feels like the never-ending conversation since we discuss it so often. She's never going to stop worrying, but I don't think, at least for now, I'm ever going to stop harming. Indeed it is a cycle -.-

I suppose I have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you, hun (:


You're cold with disappointment,
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me
   
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Re: Should I leave? - April 3rd 2012, 07:06 AM

She'll never stop worrying, it's something humans, women in particular are very VERY good at. C: I do wish you the best of luck! You're so welcome. :]


"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor."
   
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Re: Should I leave? - April 3rd 2012, 06:14 PM

This isn't a relationship issue (although it has become one), it's a self harm one. That has to stop, if you're with her or not.

You're right that you cannot just stop b/c someone else wants you to, but another person knowing..and affected by this ..makes you accountable to another person. That can provide the extra bit of incentive and motivation to learn and practice self control.

The person prescribing the anti depressants should also either be doing at least weekly therapy, or refer you to someone who can. The combination of meds + consistent, regular, frequent therapy has been shown to provide the best outcome for self harm.


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