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Kate* Offline
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Name: Katie
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio

Posts: 4,643
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Graduate degree dismissal: The first 6 months - April 1st 2015, 08:58 AM

This is mostly me venting about this AGAIN sorry to bore you with it, I'm probably driving you crazy with it. I'm putting it here for lack of a better place. I've also seriously considered writing a book at some point (may or may not happen) I'm not covering the backstory from the beginning because you're probably all sick of that. If you're wondering, the disorder that I have is Nonverbal Learning Disability/Disorder, discovered by the counseling program faculty about a year ago. I was removed from client care in October, the dismissal was upheld in February.

I'm having to come to terms with both the dismissal and essential collapse of my life as I knew it along with the reason why which has a poor outlook of it's own. Then there's knowing that if I had been born "normal" I could've had the career of my dreams no problem. It was like the dismissal from a masters program was not only the worst thing that's happened to me so far, but was also the culmination of a pattern that's been happening my entire life. What I went through there was essentially my life pattern on steroids for 2 and a half years, the difference was that, by the time it ended I had an answer as to why.

I don't even know if I really want law school, and for the amount of investment of all kinds after what I've already invested I don't know if I'm up for it or if I'd even get in. I'm just exhausted. This is the part of the dismissal process I wish the faculty could see.

I don't blame them, I know they agonized over it and felt horrible, that they did what they felt was necessary, but to handle it the way they did and then frame it as an act of mercy that was not intended to ruin my life is just a really unprofessional way to go about it.

So even when I take the anger about the unfairness of the whole process out of the equation, I wish they knew the true impact that it has had and will continue to have on me. And the fact that they said it was my "personality for lack of a better explanation" and that it was nothing that I did or didn't do, just I don't even know what to say to that. I have felt forever that who I am is not okay and that I'm never good enough, losing something this big for that reason was like the ultimate proof of what I already believed. And then I'm supposed to go on with my life and not somehow carry that with me because they dismissed me to prevent me from struggling through only to lose it later. Newsflash: The reason I lost it will be with me forever, my whole life will be a struggle, it's not like this is protecting me from anything. It's preventing failure in one area so that I can move on and fail somewhere else for the same reason or a different reason caused by the same disorder I can do nothing about. They say this is the learning disability with the highest suicide rate, most people here know that I've struggled with that.


Member Since: September 19, 2007
LHO: March 31, 2008- October 13, 2012

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." Jean Paul Sarte
   
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