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Exclamation Sigh...My baby :( - June 21st 2011, 04:27 AM

I have no sisters, so the closest thing I have is my cousins. They are my little girls, whom I love with all my heart.
Paige, age 9
Pheobe, age 6
Alyssa, age 4

Phoebe has autism. We've known this for a long time, and it doesn't really cause a problem. Since I was too young to really mentor Paige through a lot of things I wish I would've, I figured I would when Alyssa gets older. I waited and waited, and a couple months ago I mentioned something to my mom about Alyssa not being verbal for a 4 year old. She flat out slapped me in the face with the phrase "Oh, we think Alyssa might have Autism"
I was torn apart. I mean, I don't have anything wrong with anyone who has autism (Pheobe), but this means Alyssa won't go through the same things I did. Expecially since I'm gifted, so my mind processes things different then everyone anyways.

I don't know what to do...my baby isn't going to be able to be like me

I feel bad for being sad about something no one can control, but I love them so much, and seeing all that Pheobes goes through, it breaks my heart to know that Lyssy will have to go through the same things.

Granted, I'll still do everything in my power to be there for Paige, Phoebe and Alyssa too, but it's just hard.

Is it common to feel this way??

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Re: Sigh...My baby :( - June 21st 2011, 07:14 AM

Hey Tori,

I'm not a professional, but I'm kinda an expert on autism based on my experience with a few people with autism. One thing I want to let you know is that just because Alyssa has autism, it doesn't mean Alyssa won't be somewhat like you if you're around her a lot.

What you're feeling is normal. Autism is very complex and there will be a lo of hings to get used to, for you and Pheobe and Alyssa.

I am giving you a link to a good site about autism:

If you ever need anything, feel free to PM/VM/Email me.
Hope this helps.
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Re: Sigh...My baby :( - June 21st 2011, 08:17 AM

Hi Tori,
I have a cousin with autism, and one with Aspergers. It definitely feels likes sometimes I can't help them because I have no idea how it feels to be like them, or what they need. The thing you have to remember though is that because of their autism, your cousins actually need you more. Just because they're different from you, it doesn't mean you can't be there for them. It just means that instead of helping them with experiences that you've been through or can relate to, you'll have to help them with experiences that will be unique to them. They'll probably need help developing learning and socialising skills especially when they start school. My cousin with Aspergers really had trouble getting along with other kids her age and being in social situations. Just hanging out with her really helped her through this. I'd take her shopping or out to lunch with my friends, and she saw how I interacted with other people and tried to do the same. I know it's daunting, but you definitely can be there for your cousins. By spending time with them and getting to know them especially as they grow up, you'll figure out what they need and how you can help them, trust me! All the best

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Re: Sigh...My baby :( - June 22nd 2011, 02:05 AM

Honestly, you need to recommend that Alyssa sees a professional before you diagnose autism. Having that labels isn't to be taken lightly. You don't want to give her that label and have it passed onto a professional.
I have a boyfriend of over 2 years who has autism, so if you want to talk PM me anytime.
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Re: Sigh...My baby :( - June 22nd 2011, 05:16 PM

Yes, like the above posters have mentioned, autism isn't really something you can self-diagnose. Sure, if she's not very verbal, it could be a sign, but it could be a number of things. Maybe she's just a late developer.

The other thing to remember is autism is a spectrum. From the way you've described it, it seems like Phoebe is quite severerly autistic, but that doesn't mean Alyssa will be too. She could just have mild autism and be able to function normally (so you can mentor her etc,) maybe just struggling a little with her schoolwork.

I know you'll be there for them all no matter what, and it may be difficult, especially if Alyssa's autism is more severe, but there's nothing to stop you from still helping Paige. She's only 9, she still has boyfriends to go through yet!

Good luck sweetie, drop me a message any time you want to chat<3

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Re: Sigh...My baby :( - June 25th 2011, 12:33 PM

Hey Tori.
The above posts are very good, and I don't really have anything to add, just an offer of support and someone to talk to if it gets you down.
Also, like some of the above posters have already said, if Phoebe does get diagnosed with autism, the best you can do is be there for her and help her through life. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to share at least some of your experiences with her.
Good luck.

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