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Addictive Behaviours Discuss and receive support for addictions not related to substance use, such as gambling, Internet, sex or work addictions, in this forum.

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PureLithium Offline
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Name: Alex
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Join Date: January 8th 2009

Is it really a sex addiction or just a lack of respect for myself? - October 2nd 2011, 06:10 PM

So, I kind of have a problem. I didn't start having sex till last year when I was in a relationship with a guy I trusted and cared for. We only had sexual intercourse two times but I did other "favors" for him every other night. I'm pretty sure that's why the relationship went down hill, I couldn't always say no. Well, more recently, I've become obsessed with intercourse. I was sleazy enough to have a random 10 minute hookup with a guy I barely knew. That's when it all started, I believe. Four weeks ago I "dated" a guy for about a week. We rushed into having sex multiple times over the course of a long weekend. I loved every minute of it, I had a great time. We broke up three days after but agreed to stay friends with benefits. Then, I've been talking to about 4 other guys who I've made arrangements to have sex with. The thing is, I don't want to have sex with all of them. In all reality, I just want to have sex with the one I care for most because I've had a huge liking towards him for over a year now, and I'd love it if we could connect that way.

Does it really sound like I have a sex addiction or just a lack of respect for myself? How do I gather up the courage to say no to these guys? I'd feel bad after leading them on :/
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Dr.Bobby Offline
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Re: Is it really a sex addiction or just a lack of respect for myself? - October 2nd 2011, 06:54 PM

Alex, some don't like when I say this, but you cannot technically be addicted to sex. It can become a problem, but that problem isn't the result of an addiction.

There are a lot of reasons people have difficulty with self control, we'd really need to understand a whole lot about you to determine the actual causes, which would obviously be beyond the scope of this post and this site. However, if you look at this not so much as an 'Addiction' (which implies beyond your conscious control), but rather as a judgment and impulse/self control/self regulation issue, there's a better chance you can master this.

So, the thing that might be most helpful here is for you to not see this as a sexual thing, but a basic self regulation issue. By taking the emotion out of it and looking at it as 'cognitive' issue, you can recall how it is you control and self regulate other urges or desires, how you use your judgment to 'Do the right things', and then apply them in context of guys and sex.

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
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addiction, lack, respect, sex

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