No inspiration. No Motivation. Help me fix this? -
August 5th 2011, 11:52 PM
So, I don't know how exactly to go on... I've not been involved in too many co-curricular activities at school, I'm not very sporty, my school being a boarding school made me quite sheltered.
I just finished the scottish Standard Grades (GCSE equivalent) and am about to enter into Sixth Form.
I have my goals. High goals, actually. I want to study English Literature at Oxford. After that, I'm not too sure. Part of me wants to be a journalist, but mostly I just want to do something with writing, because I love writing.
The problem is, I have no motivation. I spend my days doing nothing but watching tv shows and imagining getting my act together. I keep thinking about how amazing it would be if I could be the most organised person and really had the drive to do whatever I wanted. I want to be able to get up in the morning (earlier than midday x_x) and do all the work I am supposed to immediately. I want to get things done and I want to be that energetic, driven person. I want to be able to read again and love it as much as I used to and as much as I know I do, without feeling miserable or remembering something I need to do.
I want to be organised, I want to work hard and I want to be that person. But somehow I always end up not sleeping until 2 am, not waking up until midday, procrastinating on reading, writing, doing something productive, even on writing this.
I can't even decide on what I want to do next year, co-curricular wise. I have no motivation whatsoever and I'm so sick of it. Even imagining myself suceeding, making everyone proud, being happy with who I am, it doesn't make me feel motivated enough to stop imagining and start doing.
I look at my best friend and I get jealous. She knows exactly what she wants and she's doing something towards it. She works hard and she doesn't procrastinate. In that sense, she has everything I want and I just can't figure out how she does it.
Can anyone help me? Tell me or give me advice on how I can just start being the person I want to be? Something other than "just do it", because that just doesn't seem to work -.- I just keep pushing things off and I can't stop. I'm getting lost and I feel like I'm running out of time.