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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
S k i z t e r Offline
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He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 03:44 PM

well, i don't honestly know if it's abuse or not, but me and my bf were messin' around & i was in the house peekin out the door & i made a joke at him(he was outside) ; he gets mad, barges in my house, grabs my neck & throws me against the wall. At first i'm laughin but then i told him to stop & he wouldn't. So, when he let go, he left. the second time he did it; it was less than 10min & he grabbed my neck again and threw me on the couch. At first i thought were playing but now when i think about it ; he was rlly mad. (Hes bipolar , btw ) ; the first time this happened was a year ago, we were arguing and i threw his drink; when we got on the bus , he grabbed me by the neck and was chokin me against the window, & everyone on the bus were asking me if i was ok. should i end this ? i mean he has a temper but other times he's as sweet as he wants to be, he comes from a bad home life, too. pleasee help !
btw im 17; hes 18


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 03:58 PM

Hiya

Its a difficult situation that you are in. BUT you dont deserve the violence. Being Bipolar is one thing, but being violent is another. Id advise to do what YOU think, do you want to stay with him? Are you scared? Are you only with him to try & change him?

Just think about being with him & being without & weigh up the pros & cons.

If you let him down, do it gently...because of his illness. Ask to remain friends.

But dont let him control you.

I hope things work out

Jamie
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 04:08 PM

I'm going to move this to Rape and Abuse, seems more fitting.

As for the situation... yes, I would say you should leave him. If he is hurting you because of small things like that, it can only get worse. You deserve to be in a relationship free of harm or danger from your significant other. Infact, he should be protecting you from such things!

I know he has bipolar, but regardless of his condition, he shouldn't hurt you. It's his problem and he needs to sort through it before even thinking of being ina relationship, even if he 'can't help it'.

Be safe, and break it with him if you can,
Shaun.


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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 06:48 PM

Hey,

No matter what the reason, he has absolutely no right to hurt you physically like this. Coming from a bad home or blaming it on his bipolar is no excuse, he made the choice to harm you and that's not ok. He could have really injured you or even killed you. Especially if this has happened in the past and he hasn't stopped, I strongly suggest you to break off this relationship.

He might be sweet sometimes but, you have to think about your safety here. What if he does it again? What if it goes to far and he seriously hurts you? When your safety is at risk, that's what you should be putting first, no matter his personality. He's not very sweet if he kills you, you know? Even if he doesn't mean to. If he can't control his temper and when he gets angry, he has a tendency to take that anger out on you...well, I think that cancels out the sweetness because again, he has no right to physically harm you.

Let me know if you want to talk about anything, I'm always here to listen. Take good care of yourself and keep safe, ok?



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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 07:13 PM

I am so sorry you had to go through this. It is never acceptable or excusable to attack someone like that out of anger. Regardless of wether he suffers from bipolar disorder is unimportant compared to the fact that he intentionally caused you physical harm. It is to often the case that people blame their violent acts on their illness when it makes them no less culpable and responsible for what they did. He chose to hurt you. He could have found another way to work through this anger but he made a consequences decision not to. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he did it anyway. All the sweetness in the world can't make up for the fact that he is putting your well being in danger. Safety comes first and it isn't okay to let this continue. You can't treat this like it is no big deal. You need to stand up for yourself. It is only going to get worse from here on out. Is that really what you want for yourself? Do you want to have to live with the fear that he might snap again? He needs to get help for his mental illness. He needs to suffer the consequences of his action. You need to put yourself and your well being first. This is abuse and it isn't okay. He is obviously in no shape to be in a loving relationship if he can't control his anger. I urge you to think about if its worth it because I know no relationship is worth sacrificing your safety and piece of mind. You can find someone who will treat you right. You deserve better. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you. I am never to busy to listen and I will try to help as best I can. Take care of yourself and be safe.

Lots of love <3 Mimi



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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 07:29 PM

leave him.

Last edited by SimplyComplex; April 7th 2009 at 10:59 PM. Reason: Please try to be a little nicer in the advice you're giving. It isn't the OPs fault and deserves respect in each reply. :]
   
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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 08:11 PM

I'm sorry you had to go through this. As has been said above, you need to decide whether staying with him is worth it. You said he could be really sweet sometimes, but regardless of that you don't deserve to be treated violently. If I were you I would find someone else before things get out of hand. There are other people that will have his positive traits, like being sweet to you, who won't treat you unkindly. I know he can't really help it but this is about you, not him. I hope things work out.




   
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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 08:19 PM

He should not be hurting you. No matter what. Really, there's no excuse for this kind of behaviour. It's happened more than once, this is a warning sign. I think you're best to just leave him. I know it hurts, but you need to do this for yourself.


   
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Re: He choked me. - April 7th 2009, 10:49 PM

In the end it is all your decision. None of us can make you leave him, obviously. But, think of it like this. If your boyfriend beat you up once a year; I mean literally beat you to a pulp, would you want to stay with him? Probably not. So, I think that this is much of the same thing. Choking is such a violent act, I mean, he could kill you! Or, worse yet, he could permanently damage something. No type of violence in a relationship is acceptable, no matter what. As Oprah says; Love doesn't hurt.


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